Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hercules Blues featuring Axl Rose

funkothealmighty (11:57:13 PM): i wish there was a show by those same kevin sorbo people
riverscuomo172 (11:57:24 PM): not called Andromeda?
funkothealmighty (11:57:27 PM): that was about a murderer
funkothealmighty (11:57:40 PM): but it did it in the funny way they do things
funkothealmighty (11:57:48 PM): with weird little jokes every now and then
riverscuomo172 (11:58:20 PM): Hercules is a detective in a modern police department only not any different than the original show
funkothealmighty (11:58:25 PM): lol
riverscuomo172 (11:58:27 PM): and is always startled by the same things every show
funkothealmighty (11:58:30 PM): he still wears his weird getup
riverscuomo172 (11:58:35 PM): WHAT IS THIS HORSELESS CARRIAGE?
riverscuomo172 (11:58:46 PM): HO WHAT DEMONRY GOES THROUGH THE SKY?
funkothealmighty (11:58:49 PM): lol
funkothealmighty (11:58:59 PM): unfortunately the station is under a flight path
funkothealmighty (11:59:06 PM): so it takes up alot of the show
riverscuomo172 (12:00:00 AM): and every character is really patient with Hercules
riverscuomo172 (12:00:15 AM): showing him blueprints and diagnostics of planes
funkothealmighty (12:00:21 AM): ha ha ha ah ah
funkothealmighty (12:00:37 AM): one going as far as doing a physical demonstration of bernoulis principles
riverscuomo172 (12:00:44 AM): "Hmm, now I understand the concept of high-pressure lift under a plane's wings."
riverscuomo172 (12:00:51 AM): HO WHAT DEMONRY IS THIS OUTSIDE
funkothealmighty (12:00:58 AM): ha ha ha haha
funkothealmighty (12:01:05 AM): "Thats a plane"
funkothealmighty (12:01:48 AM): HO WHY IS THIS LIGHT NOT HOT AS THE FIRES OF ZEUS?!
funkothealmighty (12:02:09 AM): WHERE IS YOUR TEMPLE FOR ZEUS?
riverscuomo172 (12:02:41 AM): each episode ends up a lot like Wishbone
riverscuomo172 (12:02:49 AM): where they explain a classic tale to Hercules
riverscuomo172 (12:02:57 AM): while real-world events mirror it
riverscuomo172 (12:03:22 AM): and he fails to comprehend any of it
funkothealmighty (12:03:47 AM): ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:03:48 AM): each episode ends with him burning the book and screaming down a residential street breaking cars with his sword
funkothealmighty (12:03:53 AM): and the murderer keeps getting away
funkothealmighty (12:04:14 AM): ha ha ah ha
riverscuomo172 (12:04:20 AM): the last episode reveals the murderer was in fact Hercules
funkothealmighty (12:04:28 AM): the episode with farenheit 451 is particulary ironic
riverscuomo172 (12:05:40 AM): Kevin Sorbo writes every script the day of filming "to keep my mind limber"
funkothealmighty (12:05:46 AM): ha ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:06:38 AM): SORBO: WHAT ARE BOOKS?
STAFFER: Do you mean what are they, or examples of good books, or...?
SORBO: IT'S GREAT GATSBY AGAIN, TEAM! BRING ME MY BOAT!
funkothealmighty (12:07:07 AM): SORBO: IM ROCKIN A HUGE BOAT ERECTION
funkothealmighty (12:07:13 AM): SORBO: CABO WABO!
riverscuomo172 (12:07:27 AM): SHOTS AT SENOR FROGS RIGHT NOW
funkothealmighty (12:08:08 AM): a full 3 episode series is just about hercules in cancun
funkothealmighty (12:08:18 AM): and then him defeating swine flu
funkothealmighty (12:08:27 AM): using mexican water and some cheez-its
funkothealmighty (12:08:50 AM): swine flu is a man dressed as a pig with a large spear
riverscuomo172 (12:09:10 AM): hahahaha
riverscuomo172 (12:09:29 AM): played by veteran British character actor Jeremy Irons
funkothealmighty (12:10:09 AM): Mr. Hercules, are you prepared for pneuswinola, DEAR GOD SORBO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
funkothealmighty (12:10:13 AM): "Cut"
funkothealmighty (12:10:21 AM): SORBO: NOOO KEEP IT!
riverscuomo172 (12:12:20 AM): Everything about that scene was gold and all of you are better people for having been a part of it.
riverscuomo172 (12:13:03 AM): Sorbo accused of killing symbolic avatar of disease in action-packed series finale
funkothealmighty (12:13:16 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:13:21 AM): accused
riverscuomo172 (12:13:46 AM): indeed
funkothealmighty (12:14:19 AM): the episode where sorbo fights a laser pointer is the best
riverscuomo172 (12:14:52 AM): he breaks optics
funkothealmighty (12:14:56 AM): "The Opticelot"
funkothealmighty (12:15:16 AM): is played by the reanimated corpse of Walter Mathow
riverscuomo172 (12:15:41 AM): Kevin Sorbo is played by the nonreanimated corpse of Jack Lemmon
funkothealmighty (12:15:46 AM): "To be or dot to be, oh what the fuck sorbo."
riverscuomo172 (12:17:00 AM): the only sound during the entire episode is a wailing guitar solo muffled by a closed car door
funkothealmighty (12:17:08 AM): ha ha ha ahah
funkothealmighty (12:17:37 AM): the audio designer learned the effect in Axl's Rockaxl sound designer video cassette
funkothealmighty (12:18:13 AM): "if you play a guitar solo in a car it adds drama."
funkothealmighty (12:18:38 AM): "a bongo drum filled with cocaine makes it sound like there is action."
riverscuomo172 (12:18:52 AM): "Next week I'll show you how to play a saxophone in a tub of mustard"
funkothealmighty (12:19:29 AM): "if you feed a 3 year old heroin and give him a guitar you can recreate the sound of a leper's arm falling off"
riverscuomo172 (12:20:13 AM): Axl's Rockaxl Celebrity Ancient Skin Disease Karaoke with Guest Neil Diamond & Friends
funkothealmighty (12:20:56 AM): we could start a music education sales site with these ideas
funkothealmighty (12:21:00 AM): if we get axl on board
riverscuomo172 (12:21:11 AM): that should be easy
riverscuomo172 (12:21:29 AM): he's only been reclusive and difficult to work with for the past fifteen years
riverscuomo172 (12:21:47 AM): he needs more products based non-grammatically around the repetition of his name
funkothealmighty (12:22:09 AM): we just send him an audio cassette recorder with tapes
funkothealmighty (12:22:12 AM): every week
funkothealmighty (12:22:18 AM): and filled with cocaine
riverscuomo172 (12:23:58 AM): that is the key detail

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Quick, Burrn.

artzachary (12:29:52 AM): oh man
artzachary (12:29:56 AM): so did i ever tell you the story
artzachary (12:29:58 AM): about raymond burr
artzachary (12:30:06 AM): and how he lead me to have to explain to my father
artzachary (12:30:09 AM): what a cleveland steamer was?
funkothealmighty (12:30:14 AM): ha ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:30:16 AM): no tell me this
artzachary (12:30:28 AM): i was home for xmas a couple years back
artzachary (12:30:41 AM): and we were watching keith olberman's show on MSNBC and he had this gossip columnist on
artzachary (12:30:45 AM): talking about some bullshit
artzachary (12:31:13 AM): and there was some criminal case and the keith is like 'not even perry mason could win that case' and the other guy, for whatever reason starts talking about raymond burr and how he was this sexual deviant
artzachary (12:31:16 AM): which is totally true
artzachary (12:31:21 AM): and keith is like, i've heard this
artzachary (12:31:23 AM): and the dude is like
artzachary (12:31:34 AM): yeah he totally took rides on the cleveland steamer
artzachary (12:31:38 AM): and keith looks at the camera
artzachary (12:31:40 AM): and is like
artzachary (12:31:41 AM): commercial!
artzachary (12:32:01 AM): after laughing a little bit they go to commercial
artzachary (12:32:05 AM): and my dad asks why this is funny
artzachary (12:32:10 AM): so i took him to the internet because
artzachary (12:32:15 AM): i was not about to explain it to him
artzachary (12:32:19 AM): i loaded up urban dictionary
artzachary (12:32:25 AM): typed in cleveland steamer
artzachary (12:32:27 AM): and left the house
artzachary (12:33:18 AM): so be careful about watching television with your parents because sometimes it results in you having to explain the uncomfortable truths of fecophilia
artzachary (12:34:33 AM): it makes for a good story though
funkothealmighty (12:35:36 AM): ha ha ha ha

I'm Brittany Bitch

funkothealmighty (12:16:00 AM): lets make a sci fi show
funkothealmighty (12:16:05 AM): about how i get laid by aliens
riverscuomo172 (12:16:54 AM): Space Doink
funkothealmighty (12:17:02 AM): : Ballin in space
riverscuomo172 (12:17:10 AM): Lost In Space Poon
funkothealmighty (12:17:11 AM): thats the tagline
funkothealmighty (12:17:29 AM): Moon Boom
riverscuomo172 (12:17:46 AM): Space 1999 (2009 Sexually Adventurous Edition)
funkothealmighty (12:17:50 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:18:13 AM): That's not a Moon thats your dick in her
riverscuomo172 (12:18:24 AM): hahaha
riverscuomo172 (12:18:50 AM): Chewbacca is a regular character only he just gives you a high-five after you pork another species
funkothealmighty (12:19:18 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:19:24 AM): me and my running crew
funkothealmighty (12:19:36 AM): make females pregnant from here to tatooine
funkothealmighty (12:19:48 AM): let me introduce my running crew
funkothealmighty (12:19:52 AM): Chewy
funkothealmighty (12:20:04 AM): Machine gun Joe Viturbo
funkothealmighty (12:20:10 AM): Lassie
funkothealmighty (12:20:16 AM): Kevin Sorbo
funkothealmighty (12:20:20 AM): Joss Wheadon
funkothealmighty (12:20:26 AM): Rupert Murdoc
funkothealmighty (12:20:30 AM): Alan Thicke
funkothealmighty (12:20:36 AM): The Rockets
funkothealmighty (12:20:47 AM): A ball of wax
riverscuomo172 (12:20:48 AM): Afrika Bambatta
funkothealmighty (12:20:53 AM): ASTROGLIDE
riverscuomo172 (12:21:08 AM): these are all good things to have in a running crew
funkothealmighty (12:21:47 AM): yes
riverscuomo172 (12:22:02 AM): what about the reanimated corpse of Raymond Barr
funkothealmighty (12:22:06 AM): yes
riverscuomo172 (12:22:27 AM): that should have been a show
riverscuomo172 (12:22:40 AM): Perry Mason Impregnating Space
funkothealmighty (12:22:48 AM): The reanimated corpse of Raymond Barr?
riverscuomo172 (12:22:55 AM): yes that too
riverscuomo172 (12:23:36 AM): "Poor taste but big laughs!"
funkothealmighty (12:23:59 AM): "It's like they reanimated Raymond Barr!"
funkothealmighty (12:24:04 AM): --Time
riverscuomo172 (12:24:32 AM): hahahaaha
riverscuomo172 (12:24:48 AM): "Your children will not love it"
funkothealmighty (12:25:29 AM): "I think his nose fell off during one episode."
funkothealmighty (12:25:33 AM): --Engadget
riverscuomo172 (12:26:17 AM): "Tastes great, less filling!" - Miller Genuine Draft television critic