Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hercules Blues featuring Axl Rose

funkothealmighty (11:57:13 PM): i wish there was a show by those same kevin sorbo people
riverscuomo172 (11:57:24 PM): not called Andromeda?
funkothealmighty (11:57:27 PM): that was about a murderer
funkothealmighty (11:57:40 PM): but it did it in the funny way they do things
funkothealmighty (11:57:48 PM): with weird little jokes every now and then
riverscuomo172 (11:58:20 PM): Hercules is a detective in a modern police department only not any different than the original show
funkothealmighty (11:58:25 PM): lol
riverscuomo172 (11:58:27 PM): and is always startled by the same things every show
funkothealmighty (11:58:30 PM): he still wears his weird getup
riverscuomo172 (11:58:35 PM): WHAT IS THIS HORSELESS CARRIAGE?
riverscuomo172 (11:58:46 PM): HO WHAT DEMONRY GOES THROUGH THE SKY?
funkothealmighty (11:58:49 PM): lol
funkothealmighty (11:58:59 PM): unfortunately the station is under a flight path
funkothealmighty (11:59:06 PM): so it takes up alot of the show
riverscuomo172 (12:00:00 AM): and every character is really patient with Hercules
riverscuomo172 (12:00:15 AM): showing him blueprints and diagnostics of planes
funkothealmighty (12:00:21 AM): ha ha ha ah ah
funkothealmighty (12:00:37 AM): one going as far as doing a physical demonstration of bernoulis principles
riverscuomo172 (12:00:44 AM): "Hmm, now I understand the concept of high-pressure lift under a plane's wings."
riverscuomo172 (12:00:51 AM): HO WHAT DEMONRY IS THIS OUTSIDE
funkothealmighty (12:00:58 AM): ha ha ha haha
funkothealmighty (12:01:05 AM): "Thats a plane"
funkothealmighty (12:01:48 AM): HO WHY IS THIS LIGHT NOT HOT AS THE FIRES OF ZEUS?!
funkothealmighty (12:02:09 AM): WHERE IS YOUR TEMPLE FOR ZEUS?
riverscuomo172 (12:02:41 AM): each episode ends up a lot like Wishbone
riverscuomo172 (12:02:49 AM): where they explain a classic tale to Hercules
riverscuomo172 (12:02:57 AM): while real-world events mirror it
riverscuomo172 (12:03:22 AM): and he fails to comprehend any of it
funkothealmighty (12:03:47 AM): ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:03:48 AM): each episode ends with him burning the book and screaming down a residential street breaking cars with his sword
funkothealmighty (12:03:53 AM): and the murderer keeps getting away
funkothealmighty (12:04:14 AM): ha ha ah ha
riverscuomo172 (12:04:20 AM): the last episode reveals the murderer was in fact Hercules
funkothealmighty (12:04:28 AM): the episode with farenheit 451 is particulary ironic
riverscuomo172 (12:05:40 AM): Kevin Sorbo writes every script the day of filming "to keep my mind limber"
funkothealmighty (12:05:46 AM): ha ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:06:38 AM): SORBO: WHAT ARE BOOKS?
STAFFER: Do you mean what are they, or examples of good books, or...?
funkothealmighty (12:07:07 AM): SORBO: IM ROCKIN A HUGE BOAT ERECTION
funkothealmighty (12:07:13 AM): SORBO: CABO WABO!
riverscuomo172 (12:07:27 AM): SHOTS AT SENOR FROGS RIGHT NOW
funkothealmighty (12:08:08 AM): a full 3 episode series is just about hercules in cancun
funkothealmighty (12:08:18 AM): and then him defeating swine flu
funkothealmighty (12:08:27 AM): using mexican water and some cheez-its
funkothealmighty (12:08:50 AM): swine flu is a man dressed as a pig with a large spear
riverscuomo172 (12:09:10 AM): hahahaha
riverscuomo172 (12:09:29 AM): played by veteran British character actor Jeremy Irons
funkothealmighty (12:10:09 AM): Mr. Hercules, are you prepared for pneuswinola, DEAR GOD SORBO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
funkothealmighty (12:10:13 AM): "Cut"
funkothealmighty (12:10:21 AM): SORBO: NOOO KEEP IT!
riverscuomo172 (12:12:20 AM): Everything about that scene was gold and all of you are better people for having been a part of it.
riverscuomo172 (12:13:03 AM): Sorbo accused of killing symbolic avatar of disease in action-packed series finale
funkothealmighty (12:13:16 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:13:21 AM): accused
riverscuomo172 (12:13:46 AM): indeed
funkothealmighty (12:14:19 AM): the episode where sorbo fights a laser pointer is the best
riverscuomo172 (12:14:52 AM): he breaks optics
funkothealmighty (12:14:56 AM): "The Opticelot"
funkothealmighty (12:15:16 AM): is played by the reanimated corpse of Walter Mathow
riverscuomo172 (12:15:41 AM): Kevin Sorbo is played by the nonreanimated corpse of Jack Lemmon
funkothealmighty (12:15:46 AM): "To be or dot to be, oh what the fuck sorbo."
riverscuomo172 (12:17:00 AM): the only sound during the entire episode is a wailing guitar solo muffled by a closed car door
funkothealmighty (12:17:08 AM): ha ha ha ahah
funkothealmighty (12:17:37 AM): the audio designer learned the effect in Axl's Rockaxl sound designer video cassette
funkothealmighty (12:18:13 AM): "if you play a guitar solo in a car it adds drama."
funkothealmighty (12:18:38 AM): "a bongo drum filled with cocaine makes it sound like there is action."
riverscuomo172 (12:18:52 AM): "Next week I'll show you how to play a saxophone in a tub of mustard"
funkothealmighty (12:19:29 AM): "if you feed a 3 year old heroin and give him a guitar you can recreate the sound of a leper's arm falling off"
riverscuomo172 (12:20:13 AM): Axl's Rockaxl Celebrity Ancient Skin Disease Karaoke with Guest Neil Diamond & Friends
funkothealmighty (12:20:56 AM): we could start a music education sales site with these ideas
funkothealmighty (12:21:00 AM): if we get axl on board
riverscuomo172 (12:21:11 AM): that should be easy
riverscuomo172 (12:21:29 AM): he's only been reclusive and difficult to work with for the past fifteen years
riverscuomo172 (12:21:47 AM): he needs more products based non-grammatically around the repetition of his name
funkothealmighty (12:22:09 AM): we just send him an audio cassette recorder with tapes
funkothealmighty (12:22:12 AM): every week
funkothealmighty (12:22:18 AM): and filled with cocaine
riverscuomo172 (12:23:58 AM): that is the key detail


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