Ben Doesn't Know How to Have Sex

Punctuation

2009-11-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

b**: man
one day
im gonna write a software package
and call it MILF
w**: DO IT
b**: man i would never play a video game called that
w**: why?
b**: i dunno
just don't feel like it'd be a game i'd like to play
w**: Mario's Intergalactic Lunar Fortress
b**: hmm
maybe
actually
yes
i would play that game
you win
w**: wooooooo
hooray for a win
b**: Marios Intergalactic Lunar Fuck
w**: hott
b**: Mario I'd Like to Fuck
w**: ha ha ha
b**: actually that game would be called
w**: g-ross
b**: "Mario, I'd like to Fuck"
notice the comma
w**: it's noticed
b**: it changes the meaning drastically
on could mean that you have found a mario that you would like to fuck and the relationship may or may not be gay since the mario in question could be a girl
the other
is definitely gay
since you are telling Mario
that you want to bump uglies with him
w**: who says it's with him though?
maybe mario is banging some chick
and you want your turn
b**: you bring up a good question
it could be a demand I guess
oooh I know how to fix this
"Mario... I'd like to fuck"
w**: ha ha ha
ellipses save the day!
b**: ha ha ha
they save every day...

WHAT PLANTS CAN YOU HAVE IN BARTERTOWN?!

2009-09-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

funkothealmighty (1:56:45 PM): i can't wait until school is done
funkothealmighty (1:56:52 PM): i want to move back wherever you guys are at
funkothealmighty (1:56:59 PM): so we can live on the same block or something
funkothealmighty (1:57:16 PM): and then we'll form a block association voting block
funkothealmighty (1:57:28 PM): and get our neighborhood renamed "Bartertown"
Mrmuppy (1:57:46 PM): HA
Mrmuppy (1:57:51 PM): who will run it though?
Mrmuppy (1:57:55 PM): art can ride my shoulders
Mrmuppy (1:58:06 PM): and liam can drive a car
Mrmuppy (1:58:10 PM): and you can wear suggestive chain mail
Mrmuppy (1:58:15 PM): IT"LL BE SO FUCKING RAD
funkothealmighty (1:58:16 PM): the rest of our neighbors just get pissed
funkothealmighty (1:58:33 PM): "Guys I have kids."
funkothealmighty (1:58:57 PM): "Ok Mr. McNoFunerson. BREAK A DEAL SPIN THE WHEEL!"
Mrmuppy (1:59:17 PM): GULAG
Mrmuppy (1:59:25 PM): we have weekly raids of the businesses with giant heads
Mrmuppy (1:59:36 PM): cause we need 'em for punishment
Mrmuppy (1:59:44 PM): they begin to get suspicious
Mrmuppy (1:59:48 PM): cause people keep showing up
Mrmuppy (1:59:51 PM): with giant heads on horses
Mrmuppy (2:00:00 PM): and they trace the pattern of giant head horse dudes back to us
Mrmuppy (2:00:06 PM): we're right in the center of the sightings
Mrmuppy (2:00:18 PM): also we have a giant wheel, and a replica of the set
Mrmuppy (2:00:20 PM): that tips them off
funkothealmighty (2:00:33 PM): ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Robo-Curry

2009-07-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

riverscuomo172 (12:52:45 AM): it'll be nice for a little bit, and then I'll quickly find myself wanting the stuff I have at home
riverscuomo172 (12:55:33 AM): home being here in Mississippi now
funkothealmighty (12:56:41 AM): yeah
funkothealmighty (12:56:51 AM): too bad you can't put a robot in your room
riverscuomo172 (12:57:47 AM): yes
riverscuomo172 (12:57:54 AM): that shares stories about college
riverscuomo172 (12:58:14 AM): and goes "Who let the dogs out?" so they think I'm keeping up with pop culture
funkothealmighty (12:58:28 AM): ha ha ah
funkothealmighty (12:58:35 AM): and you can connect to it via the internet
funkothealmighty (12:58:50 AM): and play xbox
funkothealmighty (12:58:54 AM): through your laptop
riverscuomo172 (12:59:32 AM): exactly
riverscuomo172 (12:59:44 AM): it is terrible at games and lets me build up large stats
riverscuomo172 (12:59:52 AM): then I play real people and get decimated
funkothealmighty (1:00:02 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (1:00:08 AM): unless they are also robots
riverscuomo172 (1:00:35 AM): exactly
funkothealmighty (1:01:01 AM): thats where you get them
riverscuomo172 (1:02:48 AM): eventually the parents catch on when the robot sets the dinner table ablaze
funkothealmighty (1:03:04 AM): yelling
funkothealmighty (1:03:07 AM): I AM A LADY BOT
funkothealmighty (1:03:10 AM): I AM A LADY BOT!
funkothealmighty (1:03:14 AM): WHY AM I CONFUSED
funkothealmighty (1:03:22 AM): IM SO ANGST
riverscuomo172 (1:03:59 AM): PLAY GROBAN
funkothealmighty (1:04:14 AM): lol
funkothealmighty (1:04:33 AM): then one day
funkothealmighty (1:04:40 AM): the parents wake up in the middle of the night
funkothealmighty (1:04:47 AM): and the robot is watching them
riverscuomo172 (1:05:49 AM): it has knitted a sweater that says IM SO ANGST
riverscuomo172 (1:05:55 AM): and is wearing it
funkothealmighty (1:06:02 AM): ha ha ha ah
funkothealmighty (1:06:09 AM): and sewn a doyle for them
funkothealmighty (1:06:17 AM): then the mother says
funkothealmighty (1:06:23 AM): "THS IS NOT OUR SON!"
funkothealmighty (1:06:35 AM): and starts screaming and shaking her husband
riverscuomo172 (1:06:39 AM): "He would never take the time to learn a handicraft!"
funkothealmighty (1:06:52 AM): then the robot starts a siren
funkothealmighty (1:07:01 AM): because he thinks they are howling at the moon
funkothealmighty (1:07:11 AM): it sounds like your voicemail message
riverscuomo172 (1:07:24 AM): the siren then morphs into "One More Time" by Daft Punk and the evening turns even weirder
funkothealmighty (1:07:39 AM): when ravers come in through the window
funkothealmighty (1:07:51 AM): and Tim Curry comes flying through the wall
funkothealmighty (1:07:57 AM): he is obviously high on pcp
funkothealmighty (1:08:12 AM): and he screams at the mother "HAVE YOU SEEN MY TAMBORINE?!"
riverscuomo172 (1:08:55 AM): "CLUE WAS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DOMINATED BY MY PERFORMANCE"
funkothealmighty (1:09:35 AM): "EARTH 2 SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED THE TIM CURRY IN SPACE HOUR."
riverscuomo172 (1:10:46 AM): hahahaha
riverscuomo172 (1:11:03 AM): "I FORGOT I WAS IN KINSEY UNTIL I SAW THE MOVIE"
funkothealmighty (1:11:20 AM): "WAS I IN THE ILLUSIONIST?!"
funkothealmighty (1:11:29 AM): then the mother says "No that was David Bowie"
riverscuomo172 (1:11:29 AM): "AM I EDWARD NORTON?"
funkothealmighty (1:11:41 AM): then Tim Curry screams
funkothealmighty (1:11:48 AM): "NOOOOO, THAT FUCKING HACK!"
riverscuomo172 (1:11:51 AM): oh you mean The Prestige
riverscuomo172 (1:12:04 AM): with Tesla Bowie
funkothealmighty (1:12:05 AM): "I MEAN THE ILLUSIONIST FEATURING DAVID BOWIE!!!"
funkothealmighty (1:12:31 AM): "The Prestige is the trademarked name for my penis!"
funkothealmighty (1:12:45 AM): thats when he starts seeing the insects
riverscuomo172 (1:13:21 AM): and then the insects see him
funkothealmighty (1:13:46 AM): ha ah ha ah ha
funkothealmighty (1:14:28 AM): this would be a great tv show
funkothealmighty (1:14:38 AM): "Robo-player"
funkothealmighty (1:14:56 AM): then it devolves into "Tim Curry is High on PCP: RUN!"
riverscuomo172 (1:15:06 AM): and it would have an 80s style sitcom intro
funkothealmighty (1:15:27 AM): "A robot came down from space and said to andy berrolowitz"
funkothealmighty (1:15:38 AM): "Hey kid want some help with all that homework?"
funkothealmighty (1:15:49 AM): "so they chaaaaaaaanged Places!"
funkothealmighty (1:16:07 AM): "They Changed Places and now little andy is a..."
funkothealmighty (1:16:19 AM): "ROBO ROBO ROBO Player"
funkothealmighty (1:16:29 AM): "HAVE YOU SEEN MY TAMBORINE!"
funkothealmighty (1:16:37 AM): "ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN ON HALLOWEEN!"
funkothealmighty (1:16:44 AM): "A DOG CAN TURN INTO A CAT!"
riverscuomo172 (1:17:00 AM): hahahaha
funkothealmighty (1:17:03 AM): "I JUST DID SOME MUCH PCP MY EYES TURNED INTO THE SUNS OF A GOD!"
riverscuomo172 (1:17:13 AM): ALAN THICKE as TIM CURRY'S DAD
funkothealmighty (1:17:23 AM): who only appears in space-time
riverscuomo172 (1:17:38 AM): yes
riverscuomo172 (1:18:15 AM): RICARDO MONTALBAN as CORTEX, THE ROBOT (taken entirely from "Fantasy Island" clips)
funkothealmighty (1:18:46 AM): the producer is very cheap
riverscuomo172 (1:19:52 AM): yes
funkothealmighty (1:20:13 AM): Tim Curry is actually paid in PCP
riverscuomo172 (1:20:41 AM): one episode is just "Adventures at Lego Land (featuring new characters!)" and it's a home movie of his family at Lego Land with occasional spliced-in shots of Tim Curry yelling in French
funkothealmighty (1:21:16 AM): ha ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (1:21:25 AM): when asked
funkothealmighty (1:21:30 AM): he says its "artistic"
riverscuomo172 (1:21:52 AM): this is the Golden Age of television!
funkothealmighty (1:22:02 AM): ha ha ha

myKOJAK

2009-06-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

riverscuomo172 (10:22:44 PM): what's up Kojak
funkothealmighty (10:23:05 PM): WHO LOVES YA BABY?
riverscuomo172 (10:23:29 PM): only the streets!
riverscuomo172 (10:23:38 PM): and 70s television audiences
funkothealmighty (10:23:58 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (10:24:04 PM): this is clear from my myspace page
riverscuomo172 (10:24:28 PM): does the cast of Dallas leave weird messages
funkothealmighty (10:24:34 PM): yeah
funkothealmighty (10:24:41 PM): they always want me to hang out
funkothealmighty (10:24:49 PM): Kojak don't play with those fools
riverscuomo172 (10:25:17 PM): LarryHagman03 says: I GOT LOLLIPOPS AND WERTHERS COME DOWN TO THE LAKE HOUSE WE'LL DRINK BOONE'S FARM AND GET WREKTT
funkothealmighty (10:26:46 PM): DuffDiver69: YO FRIEND Missed you at the KEGgar last night I GOT TOE UP! I FUCKED JR HA HA HA HAHA. J/K PLAYA.
riverscuomo172 (10:27:29 PM): HAVE A WICKED ASS CHRISTMAS KOJAK POST THIS TO THREE FRIENDS OR YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK FOR A YEAR.
riverscuomo172 (10:27:56 PM): I feel like Kojak would have no patience with chain messages
funkothealmighty (10:28:05 PM): no he would not put up with that shit
riverscuomo172 (10:28:08 PM): only to hunt it down backwards and kill the original sender
funkothealmighty (10:28:18 PM): deep in the night
funkothealmighty (10:28:23 PM): with a virus
funkothealmighty (10:28:32 PM): that he has secretly given to hypnotized dames
riverscuomo172 (10:33:05 PM): oooh nice Bond reference
funkothealmighty (10:33:09 PM): i know
funkothealmighty (10:33:17 PM): did you get my Patrick Duffy reference up there too?
riverscuomo172 (10:33:29 PM): GeorgeLazenby1967 says: I NEED WORK
riverscuomo172 (10:33:44 PM): lol now I do

Think about this one Ron Paul

2009-06-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

funkothealmighty (6:57:34 PM): i made 36 dollars on stocks today
artzachary (6:57:37 PM): nice
funkothealmighty (6:57:41 PM): before i left for work
artzachary (6:57:51 PM): that's a 36$ handjob
funkothealmighty (6:57:56 PM): yeah
funkothealmighty (6:58:01 PM): i never thought about it like that
artzachary (6:58:05 PM): see you should
artzachary (6:58:09 PM): i equate all my finances in terms
artzachary (6:58:10 PM): of handjobs
artzachary (6:58:13 PM): except the problem is
funkothealmighty (6:58:13 PM): i should save up for a 360 dollar handjob
artzachary (6:58:18 PM): you can get a handjob for almost any amount
artzachary (6:58:23 PM): so it's kind of pointless
artzachary (6:58:39 PM): it's like "i just made $500 on my income taxes"
artzachary (6:58:41 PM): that right there
funkothealmighty (6:58:42 PM): well but they are different qualities
artzachary (6:58:43 PM): $500 handjob
artzachary (6:58:45 PM): sure
artzachary (6:58:55 PM): but that's more a normative assessment
funkothealmighty (6:59:03 PM): and i would submit that the quality of a handjob does not change with inflation
artzachary (6:59:11 PM): hm
funkothealmighty (6:59:15 PM): so maybe
funkothealmighty (6:59:21 PM): we should use handjobs as currency
artzachary (6:59:21 PM): so maybe i'm really on to something here
funkothealmighty (6:59:25 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (6:59:30 PM): instead of the gold standard
artzachary (6:59:32 PM): the CPI should be the HJI
funkothealmighty (6:59:39 PM): we switch to the handjob standard
funkothealmighty (6:59:43 PM): yes
artzachary (6:59:45 PM): how many handjobs
funkothealmighty (6:59:46 PM): exactly
artzachary (6:59:49 PM): can $1 USD buy you
funkothealmighty (6:59:51 PM): all finances converted to handjobs
artzachary (6:59:51 PM): in japan?
artzachary (6:59:54 PM): in mexico?
artzachary (6:59:56 PM): in the EU?
funkothealmighty (7:00:02 PM): this is getting interesting
artzachary (7:00:08 PM): so we'd have to define
artzachary (7:00:11 PM): (rigorously)
funkothealmighty (7:00:15 PM): i wish i could study this as a research topic
artzachary (7:00:15 PM): the notion of partial handjobs
artzachary (7:00:17 PM): because obviously
funkothealmighty (7:00:18 PM): oooh
artzachary (7:00:23 PM): $1 USD
funkothealmighty (7:00:26 PM): thos would just be like
artzachary (7:00:30 PM): doesn't buy you a $1 handjob in the EU
funkothealmighty (7:00:37 PM): "I'm 1/360th satisfied"
artzachary (7:00:40 PM): yeah
artzachary (7:00:43 PM): like i bet
artzachary (7:00:46 PM): $1 USD gets you
artzachary (7:00:50 PM): punched in the balls by a shemale
artzachary (7:00:52 PM): in germany
funkothealmighty (7:00:54 PM): ha ha ha hah a
artzachary (7:01:01 PM): hm

Yes We Can

2009-06-12T21:54:00.000-07:00

riverscuomo172 (12:27:33 AM): 4chan is the dark fucking abyss of the internet
funkothealmighty (12:27:41 AM): it is man
riverscuomo172 (12:27:45 AM): everything that has come from there is terrible
funkothealmighty (12:29:36 AM): yes terrible
funkothealmighty (12:29:42 AM): some minor things creative
funkothealmighty (12:29:56 AM): alot of people on ytmnd have dual citizenship
riverscuomo172 (12:30:34 AM): ytmnd basically takes 4chan memes and makes them somewhat palatable
funkothealmighty (12:30:40 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:30:45 AM): ytmnd is the 4chan filter
riverscuomo172 (12:30:50 AM): yes
riverscuomo172 (12:30:56 AM): make it a sound loop and a jpg
riverscuomo172 (12:31:00 AM): and the fear is gone
funkothealmighty (12:31:23 AM): we need to make a further filter
funkothealmighty (12:31:30 AM): senililolz.com
funkothealmighty (12:31:48 AM): so you can present the meme in some fashion an old person will understand
funkothealmighty (12:31:54 AM): as told by andy griffith
riverscuomo172 (12:35:02 AM): hahahahah
riverscuomo172 (12:35:49 AM): "In Mayberry we would have called this joke a real knee-slapper. Here it is called an epic burn, and you do it for the lulz. Those kids."
funkothealmighty (12:36:30 AM): here is my buddy barney to tell you about lolcatz
riverscuomo172 (12:37:00 AM): Eventually Griffith gets fed up
riverscuomo172 (12:37:12 AM): and calls it "all a bunch of fucking stupid shit"
funkothealmighty (12:37:23 AM): ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:38:33 AM): then there's a ytmnd of the flipout
funkothealmighty (12:38:33 AM): oh shit
funkothealmighty (12:38:36 AM): facebook usernames
funkothealmighty (12:38:40 AM): fuck fuck fuck
riverscuomo172 (12:38:46 AM): go go go
funkothealmighty (12:38:47 AM): i forgot
funkothealmighty (12:38:49 AM): i forgot
funkothealmighty (12:38:56 AM): DO IT DO IT!
riverscuomo172 (12:39:24 AM): it's available!
riverscuomo172 (12:39:29 AM): do you want to be one or two
funkothealmighty (12:39:32 AM): sorry
funkothealmighty (12:39:38 AM): i already took Mrmuppy
riverscuomo172 (12:39:57 AM): hahaha good job

FOR THE WIN.

2009-05-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

funkothealmighty (11:35:39 PM): im gonna let my tongue do the walking

Auto Response from artzachary (11:35:43 PM): good things die all the time

funkothealmighty (11:36:14 PM): sorry wrong box
artzachary (11:36:18 PM): awesome
funkothealmighty (11:36:20 PM): that was suppossed to go to your mom
artzachary (11:36:24 PM): MOM NO
funkothealmighty (11:36:24 PM): OHHHHHHHHHHH
funkothealmighty (11:36:27 PM): OHHHHHHHHHH
artzachary (11:36:28 PM): WHY!!!!
funkothealmighty (11:36:29 PM): OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
artzachary (11:36:30 PM): OH MY GOD
funkothealmighty (11:36:32 PM): BU
artzachary (11:36:33 PM): HOW COULD THIS BE
funkothealmighty (11:36:37 PM): BU BU BU BU BU BU
funkothealmighty (11:36:44 PM): BURRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN
artzachary (11:36:49 PM): MY SKIN IS ON FIRE
artzachary (11:36:52 PM): AAAAAAAGHHHH
funkothealmighty (11:37:14 PM): I HAVE BESTED YOU MOTHERFUCKER
funkothealmighty (11:37:29 PM): YES NOW FEEL WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO GET BURNED!
funkothealmighty (11:37:52 PM): THE WINNER PANTS ARE ON MY BULBOUS HIPS NOW!
funkothealmighty (11:37:57 PM): AND THEY ARE TIGHT INDEED!

Hercules Blues featuring Axl Rose

2009-04-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

funkothealmighty (11:57:13 PM): i wish there was a show by those same kevin sorbo people
riverscuomo172 (11:57:24 PM): not called Andromeda?
funkothealmighty (11:57:27 PM): that was about a murderer
funkothealmighty (11:57:40 PM): but it did it in the funny way they do things
funkothealmighty (11:57:48 PM): with weird little jokes every now and then
riverscuomo172 (11:58:20 PM): Hercules is a detective in a modern police department only not any different than the original show
funkothealmighty (11:58:25 PM): lol
riverscuomo172 (11:58:27 PM): and is always startled by the same things every show
funkothealmighty (11:58:30 PM): he still wears his weird getup
riverscuomo172 (11:58:35 PM): WHAT IS THIS HORSELESS CARRIAGE?
riverscuomo172 (11:58:46 PM): HO WHAT DEMONRY GOES THROUGH THE SKY?
funkothealmighty (11:58:49 PM): lol
funkothealmighty (11:58:59 PM): unfortunately the station is under a flight path
funkothealmighty (11:59:06 PM): so it takes up alot of the show
riverscuomo172 (12:00:00 AM): and every character is really patient with Hercules
riverscuomo172 (12:00:15 AM): showing him blueprints and diagnostics of planes
funkothealmighty (12:00:21 AM): ha ha ha ah ah
funkothealmighty (12:00:37 AM): one going as far as doing a physical demonstration of bernoulis principles
riverscuomo172 (12:00:44 AM): "Hmm, now I understand the concept of high-pressure lift under a plane's wings."
riverscuomo172 (12:00:51 AM): HO WHAT DEMONRY IS THIS OUTSIDE
funkothealmighty (12:00:58 AM): ha ha ha haha
funkothealmighty (12:01:05 AM): "Thats a plane"
funkothealmighty (12:01:48 AM): HO WHY IS THIS LIGHT NOT HOT AS THE FIRES OF ZEUS?!
funkothealmighty (12:02:09 AM): WHERE IS YOUR TEMPLE FOR ZEUS?
riverscuomo172 (12:02:41 AM): each episode ends up a lot like Wishbone
riverscuomo172 (12:02:49 AM): where they explain a classic tale to Hercules
riverscuomo172 (12:02:57 AM): while real-world events mirror it
riverscuomo172 (12:03:22 AM): and he fails to comprehend any of it
funkothealmighty (12:03:47 AM): ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:03:48 AM): each episode ends with him burning the book and screaming down a residential street breaking cars with his sword
funkothealmighty (12:03:53 AM): and the murderer keeps getting away
funkothealmighty (12:04:14 AM): ha ha ah ha
riverscuomo172 (12:04:20 AM): the last episode reveals the murderer was in fact Hercules
funkothealmighty (12:04:28 AM): the episode with farenheit 451 is particulary ironic
riverscuomo172 (12:05:40 AM): Kevin Sorbo writes every script the day of filming "to keep my mind limber"
funkothealmighty (12:05:46 AM): ha ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:06:38 AM): SORBO: WHAT ARE BOOKS?
STAFFER: Do you mean what are they, or examples of good books, or...?
SORBO: IT'S GREAT GATSBY AGAIN, TEAM! BRING ME MY BOAT!
funkothealmighty (12:07:07 AM): SORBO: IM ROCKIN A HUGE BOAT ERECTION
funkothealmighty (12:07:13 AM): SORBO: CABO WABO!
riverscuomo172 (12:07:27 AM): SHOTS AT SENOR FROGS RIGHT NOW
funkothealmighty (12:08:08 AM): a full 3 episode series is just about hercules in cancun
funkothealmighty (12:08:18 AM): and then him defeating swine flu
funkothealmighty (12:08:27 AM): using mexican water and some cheez-its
funkothealmighty (12:08:50 AM): swine flu is a man dressed as a pig with a large spear
riverscuomo172 (12:09:10 AM): hahahaha
riverscuomo172 (12:09:29 AM): played by veteran British character actor Jeremy Irons
funkothealmighty (12:10:09 AM): Mr. Hercules, are you prepared for pneuswinola, DEAR GOD SORBO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
funkothealmighty (12:10:13 AM): "Cut"
funkothealmighty (12:10:21 AM): SORBO: NOOO KEEP IT!
riverscuomo172 (12:12:20 AM): Everything about that scene was gold and all of you are better people for having been a part of it.
riverscuomo172 (12:13:03 AM): Sorbo accused of killing symbolic avatar of disease in action-packed series finale
funkothealmighty (12:13:16 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:13:21 AM): accused
riverscuomo172 (12:13:46 AM): indeed
funkothealmighty (12:14:19 AM): the episode where sorbo fights a laser pointer is the best
riverscuomo172 (12:14:52 AM): he breaks optics
funkothealmighty (12:14:56 AM): "The Opticelot"
funkothealmighty (12:15:16 AM): is played by the reanimated corpse of Walter Mathow
riverscuomo172 (12:15:41 AM): Kevin Sorbo is played by the nonreanimated corpse of Jack Lemmon
funkothealmighty (12:15:46 AM): "To be or dot to be, oh what the fuck sorbo."
riverscuomo172 (12:17:00 AM): the only sound during the entire episode is a wailing guitar solo muffled by a closed car door
funkothealmighty (12:17:08 AM): ha ha ha ahah
funkothealmighty (12:17:37 AM): the audio designer learned the effect in Axl's Rockaxl sound designer video cassette
funkothealmighty (12:18:13 AM): "if you play a guitar solo in a car it adds drama."
funkothealmighty (12:18:38 AM): "a bongo drum filled with cocaine makes it sound like there is action."
riverscuomo172 (12:18:52 AM): "Next week I'll show you how to play a saxophone in a tub of mustard"
funkothealmighty (12:19:29 AM): "if you feed a 3 year old heroin and give him a guitar you can recreate the sound of a leper's arm falling off"
riverscuomo172 (12:20:13 AM): Axl's Rockaxl Celebrity Ancient Skin Disease Karaoke with Guest Neil Diamond & Friends
funkothealmighty (12:20:56 AM): we could start a music education sales site with these ideas
funkothealmighty (12:21:00 AM): if we get axl on board
riverscuomo172 (12:21:11 AM): that should be easy
riverscuomo172 (12:21:29 AM): he's only been reclusive and difficult to work with for the past fifteen years
riverscuomo172 (12:21:47 AM): he needs more products based non-grammatically around the repetition of his name
funkothealmighty (12:22:09 AM): we just send him an audio cassette recorder with tapes
funkothealmighty (12:22:12 AM): every week
funkothealmighty (12:22:18 AM): and filled with cocaine
riverscuomo172 (12:23:58 AM): that is the key detail

Quick, Burrn.

2009-04-18T21:36:00.001-07:00

artzachary (12:29:52 AM): oh man
artzachary (12:29:56 AM): so did i ever tell you the story
artzachary (12:29:58 AM): about raymond burr
artzachary (12:30:06 AM): and how he lead me to have to explain to my father
artzachary (12:30:09 AM): what a cleveland steamer was?
funkothealmighty (12:30:14 AM): ha ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:30:16 AM): no tell me this
artzachary (12:30:28 AM): i was home for xmas a couple years back
artzachary (12:30:41 AM): and we were watching keith olberman's show on MSNBC and he had this gossip columnist on
artzachary (12:30:45 AM): talking about some bullshit
artzachary (12:31:13 AM): and there was some criminal case and the keith is like 'not even perry mason could win that case' and the other guy, for whatever reason starts talking about raymond burr and how he was this sexual deviant
artzachary (12:31:16 AM): which is totally true
artzachary (12:31:21 AM): and keith is like, i've heard this
artzachary (12:31:23 AM): and the dude is like
artzachary (12:31:34 AM): yeah he totally took rides on the cleveland steamer
artzachary (12:31:38 AM): and keith looks at the camera
artzachary (12:31:40 AM): and is like
artzachary (12:31:41 AM): commercial!
artzachary (12:32:01 AM): after laughing a little bit they go to commercial
artzachary (12:32:05 AM): and my dad asks why this is funny
artzachary (12:32:10 AM): so i took him to the internet because
artzachary (12:32:15 AM): i was not about to explain it to him
artzachary (12:32:19 AM): i loaded up urban dictionary
artzachary (12:32:25 AM): typed in cleveland steamer
artzachary (12:32:27 AM): and left the house
artzachary (12:33:18 AM): so be careful about watching television with your parents because sometimes it results in you having to explain the uncomfortable truths of fecophilia
artzachary (12:34:33 AM): it makes for a good story though
funkothealmighty (12:35:36 AM): ha ha ha ha

I'm Brittany Bitch

2009-04-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

funkothealmighty (12:16:00 AM): lets make a sci fi show
funkothealmighty (12:16:05 AM): about how i get laid by aliens
riverscuomo172 (12:16:54 AM): Space Doink
funkothealmighty (12:17:02 AM): : Ballin in space
riverscuomo172 (12:17:10 AM): Lost In Space Poon
funkothealmighty (12:17:11 AM): thats the tagline
funkothealmighty (12:17:29 AM): Moon Boom
riverscuomo172 (12:17:46 AM): Space 1999 (2009 Sexually Adventurous Edition)
funkothealmighty (12:17:50 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:18:13 AM): That's not a Moon thats your dick in her
riverscuomo172 (12:18:24 AM): hahaha
riverscuomo172 (12:18:50 AM): Chewbacca is a regular character only he just gives you a high-five after you pork another species
funkothealmighty (12:19:18 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:19:24 AM): me and my running crew
funkothealmighty (12:19:36 AM): make females pregnant from here to tatooine
funkothealmighty (12:19:48 AM): let me introduce my running crew
funkothealmighty (12:19:52 AM): Chewy
funkothealmighty (12:20:04 AM): Machine gun Joe Viturbo
funkothealmighty (12:20:10 AM): Lassie
funkothealmighty (12:20:16 AM): Kevin Sorbo
funkothealmighty (12:20:20 AM): Joss Wheadon
funkothealmighty (12:20:26 AM): Rupert Murdoc
funkothealmighty (12:20:30 AM): Alan Thicke
funkothealmighty (12:20:36 AM): The Rockets
funkothealmighty (12:20:47 AM): A ball of wax
riverscuomo172 (12:20:48 AM): Afrika Bambatta
funkothealmighty (12:20:53 AM): ASTROGLIDE
riverscuomo172 (12:21:08 AM): these are all good things to have in a running crew
funkothealmighty (12:21:47 AM): yes
riverscuomo172 (12:22:02 AM): what about the reanimated corpse of Raymond Barr
funkothealmighty (12:22:06 AM): yes
riverscuomo172 (12:22:27 AM): that should have been a show
riverscuomo172 (12:22:40 AM): Perry Mason Impregnating Space
funkothealmighty (12:22:48 AM): The reanimated corpse of Raymond Barr?
riverscuomo172 (12:22:55 AM): yes that too
riverscuomo172 (12:23:36 AM): "Poor taste but big laughs!"
funkothealmighty (12:23:59 AM): "It's like they reanimated Raymond Barr!"
funkothealmighty (12:24:04 AM): --Time
riverscuomo172 (12:24:32 AM): hahahaaha
riverscuomo172 (12:24:48 AM): "Your children will not love it"
funkothealmighty (12:25:29 AM): "I think his nose fell off during one episode."
funkothealmighty (12:25:33 AM): --Engadget
riverscuomo172 (12:26:17 AM): "Tastes great, less filling!" - Miller Genuine Draft television critic

twisted gangly conservatism

2009-03-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

funkothealmighty (10:27:34 PM): have you ever watched any twisted sisters videos?
funkothealmighty (10:27:59 PM): they're completely outrageous
funkothealmighty (10:28:03 PM): in cartoony ways
Mrmuppy (10:28:45 PM): yea
Mrmuppy (10:28:46 PM): I love 'em
Mrmuppy (10:28:49 PM): the 80's was weird
Mrmuppy (10:28:54 PM): but lovable
funkothealmighty (10:29:12 PM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (10:29:21 PM): like the uncle that tried to twiddle you
Mrmuppy (10:29:21 PM): rainbow brite
Mrmuppy (10:29:28 PM): yea, he didn't just try
Mrmuppy (10:29:32 PM): *sad look*
funkothealmighty (10:29:37 PM): Oh No Richard
funkothealmighty (10:29:40 PM): you have to tell someone
funkothealmighty (10:29:51 PM): about Uncle Tom and his freedom fingers
Mrmuppy (10:30:00 PM): wow
Mrmuppy (10:36:10 PM): o'reilly wrote a book called "a bold fresh piece of humanity"
Mrmuppy (10:36:13 PM): what the fuck even is this
funkothealmighty (10:36:20 PM): what does that mean?
funkothealmighty (10:36:30 PM): is it a biography of his penis?
Mrmuppy (10:36:39 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dad? Where are you?

2009-03-01T10:03:00.001-08:00

funkothealmighty (12:10:41 PM): I miss you
artzachary (12:10:43 PM): gone to get a little bit drunk.
funkothealmighty (12:10:52 PM): the kids miss you
funkothealmighty (12:10:57 PM): you're always drunk

RE: Evergrey

2009-03-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (12:31:31 PM): how does this band exist?
funkothealmighty (12:31:37 PM): i think its because of the recession
funkothealmighty (12:31:59 PM): failing industries have created this band
riverscuomo172 (12:32:03 PM): no no I am doing some research
riverscuomo172 (12:32:08 PM): and this song came out in 2001\
funkothealmighty (12:32:12 PM): oh no
riverscuomo172 (12:32:20 PM): http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/e/evergrey/different_worlds.html
funkothealmighty (12:32:28 PM): ha ha ha
riverscuomo172 (12:33:07 PM): "My value as a human has been extinguished"
funkothealmighty (12:33:19 PM): i like how he shoves all the words in like that
riverscuomo172 (12:33:20 PM): that's a harsh sentiment, Evergrey
riverscuomo172 (12:33:34 PM): they apparently have numerous albums
riverscuomo172 (12:33:49 PM): http://www.letrascanciones.org/evergrey/in-search-of-truth/different-worlds.php?l=en
riverscuomo172 (12:33:55 PM): look at the links on the side
riverscuomo172 (12:34:27 PM): I feel like "Madness Caught Another Victim" on Recreation Day has some real potential
funkothealmighty (12:35:30 PM): ha ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:35:40 PM): this band almost makes sense now
funkothealmighty (12:35:57 PM): because i remember there was a weird popularity in this sort of band in 2000-2003
funkothealmighty (12:36:19 PM): the "we've all got long hair and serious lady problems." bands
riverscuomo172 (12:36:30 PM): yeah they sound like a forerunner to Evanescence only instead of a vaguely attractive goth chick it's a bunch of scary dudes
funkothealmighty (12:36:41 PM): yeah
funkothealmighty (12:36:54 PM): its like insane clown posse mixed with a batch of gay
riverscuomo172 (12:37:01 PM): also that guitar solo in the song is straight out of 1987
funkothealmighty (12:37:18 PM): thats because the guitarist didn't have classical training
riverscuomo172 (12:37:34 PM): his loss our gain
funkothealmighty (12:37:41 PM): he just watched tons of "Shredding in the 80's with Slash" videos that he got from a thrift store
riverscuomo172 (12:37:48 PM): hahaha
funkothealmighty (12:38:01 PM): in episode 8-26 slash is just stoned and running after the production assisstant
riverscuomo172 (12:38:24 PM): Axl's Vocxaxls's Training Videoaxl
funkothealmighty (12:38:27 PM): the entire 3rd season is devoted to hammer-ons
funkothealmighty (12:38:39 PM): lol
funkothealmighty (12:38:47 PM): that series didn't do so well
funkothealmighty (12:38:56 PM): and Slash let Axl know about it
riverscuomo172 (12:39:34 PM): yeah the video is just a clip of Axl going "WHOAAAAOOOOOO" and looped while the caption track from Citizen Kane plays underneath
funkothealmighty (12:39:45 PM): ha ha ha ha ha ha

Evergrey: Steel Work is Slow Right Now.

2009-03-01T07:09:00.001-08:00

Track 8 - Evergrey

Jordan please contact me and tell me how this band/song exists.

A Crisis of Corpse-idence

2009-03-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

riverscuomo172 (11:06:59 PM): That is a good name and I wish I had it
riverscuomo172 (11:07:13 PM): where can I get a nickname like that
riverscuomo172 (11:09:08 PM): is there an online store
funkothealmighty (11:09:48 PM): yeah
riverscuomo172 (11:09:50 PM): Nickname Prime
funkothealmighty (11:10:09 PM): awesomenickOHGODITSACATnames.com
riverscuomo172 (11:11:44 PM): hahahaha I wish more websites were based on events happening to the owner at the time of naming it
funkothealmighty (11:12:26 PM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (11:12:38 PM): AbrahamOHGODIMDEADlincoln.com
riverscuomo172 (11:13:22 PM): there's a series of them for every president
riverscuomo172 (11:13:41 PM): www.geraldDIDIDIEford.com
funkothealmighty (11:15:54 PM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (11:16:12 PM): eventually these sites will exist
riverscuomo172 (11:16:43 PM): yes when the ghosts of the dead are given wireless access
funkothealmighty (11:19:58 PM): AAHHHHFi
funkothealmighty (11:20:06 PM): or
funkothealmighty (11:20:10 PM): WHYFi
riverscuomo172 (11:21:17 PM): You pay with Spirit Buxxx
funkothealmighty (11:22:50 PM): how do you earn Spirit Buxxx?
riverscuomo172 (11:23:47 PM): undead sexual economies
riverscuomo172 (11:28:01 PM): but it gives you the undead the chance to permanently change their Wikipedia page without change
riverscuomo172 (11:28:09 PM): others changing it, I mean
riverscuomo172 (11:29:11 PM): "Napoleon had a robot wang and all the ladies loved it." modified May 5 by napoleon_the_best_emperor
funkothealmighty (11:31:11 PM): this is a scary business
funkothealmighty (11:31:26 PM): possibly scarier than the current economic crisis
riverscuomo172 (11:32:01 PM): it caused the current economic crisis
riverscuomo172 (11:32:25 PM): the spirits told the CEOs what they wanted to do and they said "We have to destroy the world"
funkothealmighty (11:34:40 PM): I fail to understand this, much like the current economic crisis
funkothealmighty (11:34:51 PM): it wasn't a crisis of confidence in the dead?
riverscuomo172 (11:35:39 PM): we have to kill Jim Kramer so that he can advise the dead
funkothealmighty (11:35:49 PM): This is the only solution
funkothealmighty (11:35:59 PM): its also a win-win
funkothealmighty (11:36:06 PM): because if you say his name three times
funkothealmighty (11:36:10 PM): he'll come back to help
riverscuomo172 (11:37:12 PM): that's right
riverscuomo172 (11:37:29 PM): but you have to say it like "BUY BUY BUY"
riverscuomo172 (11:37:41 PM): JIMKRAMER JIMKRAMER JIMKRAMER!
funkothealmighty (11:38:40 PM): and then yell out BOOOOYAAAAAAHH!
funkothealmighty (11:38:56 PM): he accidently appears at parties with douchebags alot
funkothealmighty (11:39:07 PM): so he is not a fan of beer pong
riverscuomo172 (11:39:53 PM): he advises them to sell all their sorority stock
funkothealmighty (11:42:55 PM): "and by sorority stock I mean...BUY BUY BUY FRESHMEN! BOOOOYAAAHHHH!"

AND CIRCLE TAKES THE CONSCIOUSNESS

2009-03-01T06:50:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (4:51:46 PM): GET IN AN IRON LUNG
funkothealmighty (4:51:54 PM): IRON MAIDEN brand IRON LUNG
artzachary (4:52:13 PM): comes with jagged lightning sticker and blonde wig
funkothealmighty (4:52:18 PM): RUN TO THE HILLS! (But you can't)
artzachary (4:52:25 PM): (because you're in an iron lung)
funkothealmighty (4:52:32 PM): exactly
funkothealmighty (4:52:55 PM): "Nothing says speed metal like an iron lung, and this is why we support this product!"
artzachary (4:52:58 PM): and everybody knows the only thing you can do from an iron lung is write sitcoms
funkothealmighty (4:53:04 PM): yes
artzachary (4:53:15 PM): exactly
artzachary (4:54:07 PM): what does the phrase "positive sense of the circle" mean to you
funkothealmighty (4:54:20 PM): hmm
funkothealmighty (4:54:28 PM): A circle has read a self help book
funkothealmighty (4:54:33 PM): HES SENTIENT!
funkothealmighty (4:54:34 PM): RUN!
funkothealmighty (4:54:39 PM): RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ART!
artzachary (4:54:39 PM): oh shi
artzachary (4:54:55 PM): epic battle for my life with a white board, brb
funkothealmighty (4:55:08 PM): good luck math prince
artzachary (4:55:25 PM): that was a close one
artzachary (4:55:34 PM): i erased the circle and everything ended rather anticlimactically
funkothealmighty (4:56:13 PM): did he atleast express regret at learning about what he was?>
artzachary (4:57:04 PM): no he was defiant
artzachary (4:57:06 PM): until his last breath
artzachary (4:57:35 PM): "I REGRET NOTHING EXCEPT THE EASE AT WHICH MY BRUTALITY IS EXTINGUISHED" were his last words
funkothealmighty (4:57:48 PM): thats a good quote
artzachary (4:57:52 PM): yeah
artzachary (4:58:06 PM): pretty impressive for a two dimensional drawing
funkothealmighty (4:59:37 PM): I don't even know how he could manage the movement of air
artzachary (5:00:17 PM): you know, the more i think of it
artzachary (5:00:25 PM): the less any of this holds up under scrutiny
artzachary (5:00:31 PM): i think perhaps i hallucinated the whole thing
artzachary (5:00:53 PM): which makes sense, on account of that ounce of molded mushrooms i ate about an hour ago
funkothealmighty (5:01:41 PM): bit bop boop Art has turned into a vicious drug addict
artzachary (5:02:34 PM): vicious in terms of my behavior or vicious in terms of my insatiable thirst for drugs
artzachary (5:02:42 PM): ?

The Billy Bass Proposal: A compromise is reached.

2009-02-26T20:41:00.000-08:00

Upon finding themselves with a budget surplus the University of Appalachia Mountain 2 gave their graduate students an entertainment budget. Wanting them to have some form of control over this budget the administration tasked one student with finding a board and holding elections to determine who would be on this board. Nominations were turned in and elections were held, resulting in a board of graduate students tasked with deciding how to spend their entertainment budget. After bickering over food or concert ideas Reginald Peterson proposed an idea, a simple idea. He called this proposal The Billy Bass Proposal.

“Alright, so we have 4000 dollars to spend. What If I told you I knew a guy who could get us 800 Billy Bass musical dancing bass for 4000 dollars?” The board was stunned. “I see you are speechless; I’ll take this as a signal that you want to know more.” Emily was not ready for what was about to occur. “Why on earth would we do this?” Reginald, having prepared for this proposal all morning, knew exactly how to answer this. “Think of your legacy. What are you going to be remembered for after you have left? No one will ever remember your paper on increased current flow in negative thermal gradient bodies of water. They will, however, remember Billy.” Reginald then produced a Billy Bass Singing and Dancing Bass from his bag, turned it on and let Billy do the talking.

Billy the Dancing and Singing Bass lulled the crowd and they hung on every word that magical plastic fish sang. “This is completely ridiculous,” Greg said from the back of the room. “We’ll have more fish at this school than students,” Andy added from behind Reginald. “Ok, I have to admit that would be awesome,” said Jennifer. The others were shocked. “Jen, how could you think that was awesome?” Greg asked. Jennifer thought about her response for a few seconds and said, “Everytime you walk by one of these fish, you’ll have to think, I did that.” Reginald smiled at the mysterious backup from Jennifer. “Wherever we place a bass we will be remembered. Every time someone sees a billy bass, Andy here will be remembered.” Reginald squeezed Andy’s shoulders for effect. Andy didn’t like the squeeze. He thought it was a little too light. However Andy did not express his concerns that Reginald might be a “closet queer” (his words not mine) well enough to the others in the meeting. Meanwhile, Greg thought the squeeze was supereffective; he was thinking of a compromise, and brought it up for the group’s consideration. “Reginald, I like it. However, I think we need to at least have a pizza party for the grad students to appear as though we have done something other than bought 800 talking bass.” In an attempt to quell any compromise Reginald started the Billy Bass up again. Its demands to “take it to the water” were met with unmoving determination for a pizza party. Reginald relented, “Alright, we’ll buy 760 Billy Basses and use the remaining funds to purchase pizzas for everyone next week. If everyone agrees we can have a vote on this.” With a vote of three to two the motion carried. Life at the University of Appalachia Mountain 2 would soon get fishy. To Be Continued…

How Rap Saved America, Street Fighter.

2009-02-19T20:38:00.000-08:00

riverscuomo172 (6:43:10 PM): chocolate town will live one day
funkothealmighty (6:43:51 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (6:44:01 PM): when you are as rich as michael jackson was
funkothealmighty (6:44:08 PM): and as crazy about chocolate
funkothealmighty (6:44:17 PM): as he was about children
riverscuomo172 (6:44:56 PM): we need to start writing pop hits to make this come true
funkothealmighty (6:45:05 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (6:45:13 PM): like baby lets go down to chocolate town
funkothealmighty (6:45:20 PM): everyone will think we are dirty
funkothealmighty (6:45:33 PM): but we'll know we are actually talking about a village made of chocolate
funkothealmighty (6:45:44 PM): and when the day comes that we finally build our chocolate town
funkothealmighty (6:46:00 PM): everyone will remark "Oh, well how about that."
riverscuomo172 (6:47:25 PM): "What a strangely literal pop album"
funkothealmighty (6:47:52 PM): almost like "The Constitution" by Ole Dirty Bastard
riverscuomo172 (6:50:32 PM): hahaha yes
funkothealmighty (6:57:09 PM): i would buy that album if it were to exist
riverscuomo172 (6:58:28 PM): with tracks like "I Am An Amendment" and "Everyone In Compton Is Legally Dead"
funkothealmighty (6:59:14 PM): yes, these are compulsary to my ratification of this album
riverscuomo172 (7:00:09 PM): it wins the Senate!
riverscuomo172 (7:00:14 PM): bonus round!
funkothealmighty (7:00:38 PM): crush federalists against this honda to gain more points!
riverscuomo172 (7:02:08 PM): should've picked E. Honda!
funkothealmighty (7:03:04 PM): he is a better representative
riverscuomo172 (7:07:21 PM): there is a new Street Fighter game coming out
riverscuomo172 (7:07:25 PM): and I vaguely want to buy it
funkothealmighty (7:08:27 PM): is it about how street fighting is illegal and kids shouldn't do it?
riverscuomo172 (7:09:24 PM): yeah that is the main message of the game
funkothealmighty (7:14:25 PM): thats good that they care about kids
riverscuomo172 (7:14:42 PM): yes each game comes with a surrogate parents
funkothealmighty (7:16:32 PM): and they like to yell
riverscuomo172 (7:17:24 PM): they only yell
funkothealmighty (7:18:26 PM): about inconsiquentle things
riverscuomo172 (7:19:43 PM): and eventually you have to fight them like in the game
funkothealmighty (7:20:10 PM): and they always win
riverscuomo172 (7:21:06 PM): yes because they can actually throw fireballs
riverscuomo172 (7:21:13 PM): and are built like Zangief
funkothealmighty (7:23:04 PM): and if you beat them you lose your college money
riverscuomo172 (7:24:23 PM): lol for no reason

The Post-apocalyptic Carl Jr. Administration

2009-02-19T20:36:00.000-08:00

riverscuomo172 (10:02:54 PM): what is the best soft drink
funkothealmighty (10:03:03 PM): BLOOD
riverscuomo172 (10:03:16 PM): Carbonated blood eh
riverscuomo172 (10:03:26 PM): can you buy it in six-packs
funkothealmighty (10:03:41 PM): only at Hardee's
riverscuomo172 (10:05:22 PM): not Carl's Jr though
riverscuomo172 (10:05:25 PM): Carl hated it
funkothealmighty (10:06:06 PM): yeah
funkothealmighty (10:06:23 PM): he predicted the Blood market crisis
riverscuomo172 (10:06:51 PM): it was his one gift
riverscuomo172 (10:06:57 PM): everything else came from Jr.
funkothealmighty (10:07:28 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (10:07:35 PM): like the Big Burger Bailout
riverscuomo172 (10:08:56 PM): Burger Stimulus Plan of 03
funkothealmighty (10:09:19 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (10:09:27 PM): signed by George W Burger
riverscuomo172 (10:12:36 PM): the Angry Whopper was a rider on that bill
funkothealmighty (10:12:47 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (10:12:53 PM): the Whigs opposed it
riverscuomo172 (10:14:36 PM): King Lincoln was not enough to stop it
funkothealmighty (10:14:45 PM): man
funkothealmighty (10:14:54 PM): this magical burger mystery land is fucked up
riverscuomo172 (10:15:25 PM): and not conducive to children's board games about it
funkothealmighty (10:15:33 PM): no
funkothealmighty (10:15:59 PM): because 4 letter words are used all too often by the Burger legislature
riverscuomo172 (10:18:37 PM): and on game pieces
riverscuomo172 (10:18:58 PM): FUCK GRILL is not an acceptable name for "GO"
funkothealmighty (10:19:09 PM): lol
funkothealmighty (10:20:15 PM): it could be an adult board game
funkothealmighty (10:20:25 PM): but those don't sell well enough at fast food restaurants
riverscuomo172 (10:22:33 PM): maybe if we included them with combos
riverscuomo172 (10:22:42 PM): like those Sneak King games
funkothealmighty (10:23:24 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (10:23:27 PM): thats the ticket
funkothealmighty (10:23:31 PM): GIVE IT TO KIDS
funkothealmighty (10:23:38 PM): thats whats written in bold on the front of the box
riverscuomo172 (10:23:53 PM): PUT IT IN THEIR LUNCHES
funkothealmighty (10:24:52 PM): each one has a new sneaky message on it
riverscuomo172 (10:25:47 PM): TELL THEM IT'S FILLED WITH CAPRI SUN
funkothealmighty (10:25:58 PM): TELL THEM WHAT FUCK MEANS
riverscuomo172 (10:26:04 PM): (IT'S ANTIFREEZE)
funkothealmighty (10:26:26 PM): LOCK YOUR KIDS OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AS PUNISHMENT
riverscuomo172 (10:29:05 PM): HAVE THEM DEVELOP STREET GANGS WHILE THEY ARE OUTSIDE
riverscuomo172 (10:29:14 PM): MAKE THEM STEAL ELECTRONICS FOR YOU
funkothealmighty (10:29:29 PM): MAKE THEM FIGHT DOGS FOR FOOD
riverscuomo172 (10:30:38 PM): TEACH THEM TO HATE
funkothealmighty (10:31:03 PM): this is turning into a terrible terrible thing for america
riverscuomo172 (10:31:24 PM): we should have never listened to Carl
funkothealmighty (10:31:36 PM): no
funkothealmighty (10:31:48 PM): NEVER AGAIN CARL

On Email Etiquette

2009-02-19T20:30:00.000-08:00

riverscuomo172 (11:43:10 PM): I am going to send the department a letter
funkothealmighty (11:43:17 PM): about?
riverscuomo172 (11:47:50 PM): reading
riverscuomo172 (11:47:50 PM): RE: Stop Words
funkothealmighty (11:47:59 PM): lol
funkothealmighty (11:48:05 PM): oooh
funkothealmighty (11:48:10 PM): gonna anger the administration
riverscuomo172 (11:48:48 PM): yeah!
riverscuomo172 (11:48:53 PM): they'll know why
funkothealmighty (11:51:04 PM): oh yeah?
riverscuomo172 (11:54:36 PM): haha they won't
funkothealmighty (11:54:47 PM): yeah
funkothealmighty (11:55:21 PM): i would think RE: Stop Words would be pretty cryptic
riverscuomo172 (11:57:26 PM): it would get spam filtered
riverscuomo172 (11:57:34 PM): along with C1AL1S
funkothealmighty (11:57:39 PM): lol
funkothealmighty (11:58:37 PM): oooh i should try that
funkothealmighty (11:58:44 PM): "oh i sent you the email"
funkothealmighty (11:58:57 PM): "Oh really i didn't get it what was the subject?"
funkothealmighty (11:59:06 PM): "Is your penis big enough for her?"
riverscuomo172 (12:02:03 AM): lolol yes
funkothealmighty (12:03:19 AM): math is so boring and terrible
riverscuomo172 (12:03:50 AM): write a novel about math wars
funkothealmighty (12:04:16 AM): THE FIGHT FOR BRIGADOON!
funkothealmighty (12:04:44 AM): the sub heading will be
funkothealmighty (12:05:09 AM): A journey through complex numbers (and feelings)
riverscuomo172 (12:05:55 AM): one chapter is called "Larry Bird's Bridge to Mathtown"
funkothealmighty (12:06:31 AM): another chapter "Why The Oceans Hate Joey Lawrence"
funkothealmighty (12:06:42 AM): critics will dislike the message it sends
funkothealmighty (12:06:48 AM): mainly because it has no math in it
riverscuomo172 (12:08:27 AM): "Too much Blossom, not enough numbers"
funkothealmighty (12:08:55 AM): exactly
funkothealmighty (12:08:59 AM): not enough six
riverscuomo172 (12:09:30 AM): "It feels like Connors is overcompensating for his sevens."
funkothealmighty (12:10:04 AM): this is a possible review
riverscuomo172 (12:12:33 AM): for a possible book

Timelove 2929

2009-02-19T20:28:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (12:35:48 AM): YODEL
riverscuomo172 (12:35:52 AM): VERB
funkothealmighty (12:36:23 AM): word up jezzabelle
riverscuomo172 (12:37:04 AM): hey Grizzopolis
funkothealmighty (12:37:48 AM): ASTROLATHE
riverscuomo172 (12:38:20 AM): it's the caress of the future
funkothealmighty (12:38:48 AM): yes
funkothealmighty (12:38:58 AM): sent to an uncaring past
riverscuomo172 (12:39:36 AM): it will appreciate it once it catches up
riverscuomo172 (12:39:37 AM): which is never
funkothealmighty (12:41:01 AM): poor parallel timespace
riverscuomo172 (12:42:05 AM): it will never understand
funkothealmighty (12:42:29 AM): there needs to be a love song written from the future to the past
funkothealmighty (12:42:40 AM): about having the present stuck in between them
riverscuomo172 (12:43:10 AM): it will be called "Yes You Were Are"
funkothealmighty (12:43:50 AM): "We Won't Were Because You Are"
funkothealmighty (12:44:19 AM): eventually we'll get this
funkothealmighty (12:44:28 AM): time hurts my creativity
riverscuomo172 (12:45:02 AM): those crazy dreams
funkothealmighty (12:45:17 AM): i had a weird dream a while ago
funkothealmighty (12:45:23 AM): where i walked into my room
funkothealmighty (12:45:30 AM): and somebody looked at me and was scared
funkothealmighty (12:45:41 AM): and they said "THE HAND!" and pointed towards the window
funkothealmighty (12:45:54 AM): and there was a hand pressed up against the outside of the window
funkothealmighty (12:45:59 AM): and there was lightning behind it
riverscuomo172 (12:46:06 AM): did you trace the owner of the hand
funkothealmighty (12:46:10 AM): no
funkothealmighty (12:46:13 AM): it was a gloved hand
funkothealmighty (12:46:23 AM): gloved with a work glove
riverscuomo172 (12:47:05 AM): and can control lightning
funkothealmighty (12:47:55 AM): yes
funkothealmighty (12:48:02 AM): which is far more frightening
riverscuomo172 (12:49:08 AM): it's the dream of terror
funkothealmighty (12:49:26 AM): yes

Jazzercide

2009-02-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

riverscuomo172 (11:11:52 PM): Jazzercide!

funkothealmighty (11:12:11 PM): is this when you kill jazz?

funkothealmighty (11:12:16 PM): because you would be a hero to me

riverscuomo172 (11:12:17 PM): or kill to jazz

funkothealmighty (11:12:25 PM): that would be a nightmare

riverscuomo172 (11:12:26 PM): whichever you prefer

funkothealmighty (11:12:39 PM): well its obvious what i prefer

riverscuomo172 (11:12:56 PM): and you can do that

funkothealmighty (11:13:12 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGOO8ZhWFR4

funkothealmighty (11:13:53 PM): ha ha ha ha

riverscuomo172 (11:14:15 PM): I am going to move my boogie body to homicidal rhythms

funkothealmighty (11:14:32 PM): this would be the worst death

riverscuomo172 (11:14:51 PM): let's do ittttttttt

funkothealmighty (11:14:59 PM): wait until 2:11

funkothealmighty (11:15:41 PM): this is almost like sex with a southern baptist

funkothealmighty (11:15:55 PM): "we are getting hot now!"

funkothealmighty (11:16:15 PM): "That's not my penis."

riverscuomo172 (11:16:51 PM): so many random grunts

riverscuomo172 (11:16:52 PM): and yelps

Bawk Bawk Beyond Cluckodome

2009-02-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (10:44:48 PM): THE FUTURE IS HERE!

riverscuomo172 (10:46:50 PM): IN THREE TO FOUR MONTHS

funkothealmighty (10:47:22 PM): AND THEN MAYBE IT WILL TAKE A LITTLE LONGER BECAUSE WE HAD AN ISSUE WITH THE CHICKEN PROCESSING

funkothealmighty (10:47:28 PM): WE'VE SAID TOO MUCH!

riverscuomo172 (10:49:47 PM): PLUCKERS PARADOX

funkothealmighty (10:49:57 PM): PLUCKERS

funkothealmighty (10:49:59 PM): PLUCKERS

funkothealmighty (10:50:12 PM): WE HAVE A FEW PROBLEMS AT THE CLUCKODOME

riverscuomo172 (10:51:04 PM): only Tina Turner can save us now

funkothealmighty (10:51:37 PM): is she still alive?

riverscuomo172 (10:51:51 PM): in the Cluckoverse

funkothealmighty (10:52:19 PM): oh well thats good

riverscuomo172 (10:53:33 PM): yeah it's a necessary part of Pluckosophy

funkothealmighty (10:54:07 PM): Tina Turner being a clucking bitch

riverscuomo172 (10:55:42 PM): Master Plucker

funkothealmighty (10:56:37 PM): I wonder what the requirement for that degree is

riverscuomo172 (10:57:55 PM): experience the 80s

This Is Why The Future Has To Wait

2009-02-15T22:46:00.000-08:00

wes71685 (1:38:43 AM): I need a robot me

wes71685 (1:38:46 AM): that does all the lame stuff

wes71685 (1:38:58 AM): like I'm about to get into an argument

wes71685 (1:39:07 AM): "hold on"

wes71685 (1:39:10 AM): "robot me, activate!"

wes71685 (1:39:17 AM): then he just tells me how it went

funkothealmighty (1:39:42 AM): lol

funkothealmighty (1:39:44 AM): later

funkothealmighty (1:39:58 AM): "I gave him your savings to calm him down."

funkothealmighty (1:40:05 AM): "Wait what?! Robo-me!"

wes71685 (1:40:19 AM): making terrible decisions

wes71685 (1:40:57 AM): "you and your wife are divorced"

wes71685 (1:41:05 AM): "I decided to just kill the police officer"

wes71685 (1:41:21 AM): "I bought the car for $3000 over sticker price"

wes71685 (1:41:38 AM): "you got a demotion instead of a promotion"

wes71685 (1:41:54 AM): "you're dating a real real ugly girl"

wes71685 (1:42:22 AM): "I think you're wanted for robbery"

funkothealmighty (1:42:22 AM): ha ha ha

funkothealmighty (1:42:27 AM): it makes terrible decisions

funkothealmighty (1:42:36 AM): but it can also determine beauty

funkothealmighty (1:42:38 AM): somehow

wes71685 (1:42:41 AM): ha ha

I get a new nickname, Richard discovers he may not be the best lover.

2009-02-14T10:49:00.000-08:00

Mrmuppy (12:19:34 AM): yea, well that's your new name
Mrmuppy (12:19:37 AM): Ben-Jammin'
funkothealmighty (12:19:46 AM): ok
funkothealmighty (12:19:52 AM): when was this decided?
Mrmuppy (12:19:52 AM): imagine someone says
Mrmuppy (12:19:59 AM): quickly, who are you, and how did you spend your afternoon?
Mrmuppy (12:20:04 AM): and you can respond "Ben-Jammin'"
Mrmuppy (12:20:09 AM): and deal with both questions simultaenously
funkothealmighty (12:20:14 AM): HA
funkothealmighty (12:20:24 AM): my name is my past
Mrmuppy (12:20:30 AM): haw
Mrmuppy (12:22:55 AM): "baby, you ready for this?"
"I dunno, my husband might be -"
"YEA TAKE IT"
"Oh god! My placenta!"
"Say my name! And also say the activities I have engaged in"
"Ben-Jammin'!"
funkothealmighty (12:23:09 AM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (12:23:20 AM): if i get alfred and cleaning up after batman
funkothealmighty (12:23:25 AM): I'll know something is wrong
Mrmuppy (12:23:30 AM): hahahaha
Mrmuppy (12:23:34 AM): god
Mrmuppy (12:23:45 AM): I'm imagining a hundred hilarious answers to that
Mrmuppy (12:23:50 AM): as women fantasize about other men
Mrmuppy (12:23:52 AM): while you jam them
Mrmuppy (12:24:13 AM): "david bowie! weaing codpieces!"
Mrmuppy (12:24:29 AM): "ohhh kissinger, assassinate more asians for me!"

Dawkins vs. Kissinger

2009-02-14T10:42:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (12:28:17 AM):	Richard Dawkins is not a scientist
Mrmuppy (12:28:18 AM):	he can just as easily be in a dildo
funkothealmighty (12:28:22 AM):	NOW HOW DO YOU FEEL
Mrmuppy (12:28:40 AM):	umm... he pretty provably is a scientist
funkothealmighty (12:29:09 AM):	yeah but the fake kind
Mrmuppy (12:29:13 AM):	oic
Mrmuppy (12:29:14 AM):	like kissinger
Mrmuppy (12:29:16 AM):	not really a dr
funkothealmighty (12:29:20 AM):	as you start moving away from math
Mrmuppy (12:29:23 AM):	he was a doctor of DEATHOLOGY
funkothealmighty (12:29:27 AM):	you have less science
Mrmuppy (12:29:35 AM):	actually, little known fact, Kissinger was in a metal band
Mrmuppy (12:29:39 AM):	called Kissinger and the Doctors of Death
funkothealmighty (12:29:45 AM):	little known fact
funkothealmighty (12:29:50 AM):	Kissinger is my GRANDFATHER
funkothealmighty (12:29:53 AM):	FUCK YOU RICHARD
Mrmuppy (12:29:55 AM):	OH NOES!
funkothealmighty (12:29:56 AM):	FUCK YOU
Mrmuppy (12:29:59 AM):	CAN WE STILL BE FRIENDS!?!
funkothealmighty (12:30:15 AM):	ONLY IF YOU SAY IM A HELL OF A STATESMAN
funkothealmighty (12:30:23 AM):	AND DENY THE EXISTANCE OF CAMBODIA
Mrmuppy (12:31:05 AM):	CAMBODIA IS A LIE CONCOCTED BY RICHARD DAWKINS WHOSE EXISTENCE HAS NO MATH
Mrmuppy (12:31:05 AM):	NO MATH

St. Valentine of confusion

2009-02-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

artzachary (7:52:30 PM):	ben what kind of valentines day gift says "i like you, but i'm completely confounded by our relationship"
funkothealmighty (7:52:46 PM):	a hot dog inside a donut
artzachary (7:52:56 PM):	hm
artzachary (7:53:03 PM):	you might just be right about this
funkothealmighty (7:53:06 PM):	with a note that says "I'm confused about this."
artzachary (7:53:09 PM):	lol
artzachary (7:53:12 PM):	awesome
funkothealmighty (7:53:12 PM):	oh wait
funkothealmighty (7:53:19 PM):	no thats my valentines gift
artzachary (7:53:23 PM):	whatever
artzachary (7:53:24 PM):	i can use it too

Meg Ryan in: ROBOSOUTH

2009-02-14T10:22:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (2:50:27 PM): JC WHITNEY
riverscuomo172 (2:50:37 PM): ROBOCOTTON
funkothealmighty (2:50:55 PM): Won't you let JC Whitney into your house?
funkothealmighty (2:51:07 PM): he only wants to industrialize it
riverscuomo172 (2:51:08 PM): who is he and what does he want in my home
funkothealmighty (2:51:16 PM): he is a man of action
funkothealmighty (2:51:20 PM): and he wants it bad
riverscuomo172 (2:51:32 PM): man I know that feeling
funkothealmighty (2:51:35 PM): are you gonna give it to him?
riverscuomo172 (2:51:48 PM): I will give of my industry to him
funkothealmighty (2:52:12 PM): AND HE WILL SNATCH THAT INDASTRAIA RIGHT UP!
funkothealmighty (2:52:27 PM): YOU CHOSE
funkothealmighty (2:52:29 PM): POORLY
funkothealmighty (2:52:45 PM): JC Whitney is gonna strike bust your balls
riverscuomo172 (2:52:56 PM): I KNEW DANIEL PLAINVIEW WAS A LIAR
funkothealmighty (2:53:05 PM): ehh
funkothealmighty (2:53:08 PM): you live and learn
riverscuomo172 (2:53:16 PM): well now I have no home
riverscuomo172 (2:53:21 PM): but I do have a dream
funkothealmighty (2:53:27 PM): I don't have a dream
funkothealmighty (2:53:33 PM): but i do love industry
funkothealmighty (2:53:41 PM): I will let this man into my house
funkothealmighty (2:54:02 PM): and thats how the west was won
funkothealmighty (2:54:11 PM): and how i got this wicked tattoo!
riverscuomo172 (2:54:34 PM): Those were all really good stories and now I am going to make an anthology out of them
funkothealmighty (2:54:44 PM): what will you call it?
riverscuomo172 (2:56:25 PM): The Cotton Gin Is For Fruits You Bastards: Ben Connors 2009-2009
funkothealmighty (2:56:58 PM): ha ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (2:57:23 PM): will it have a picture of a steam shovel crushing an old woman dressed as the statue of liberty on it?
riverscuomo172 (2:57:45 PM): yes and a fake Oprah's Book Club sticker on there for big $$$$
funkothealmighty (2:57:53 PM): oooh
funkothealmighty (2:57:56 PM): good trick
funkothealmighty (2:58:18 PM): it will take her at least 2 weeks to figure out what we're doing to her prescious book club
riverscuomo172 (2:58:19 PM): yes it is the money machine
riverscuomo172 (2:58:38 PM): she will send her Oprah goons after us
funkothealmighty (2:58:58 PM): brb
funkothealmighty (2:59:03 PM): gotta learn how a computer works
riverscuomo172 (2:59:08 PM): k
funkothealmighty (2:59:39 PM): false alarm
riverscuomo172 (2:59:53 PM): was the computer already dead
funkothealmighty (3:00:02 PM): yeah
funkothealmighty (3:00:05 PM): i shot it
riverscuomo172 (3:00:11 PM): good move
riverscuomo172 (3:00:20 PM): never give them the confidence of knowing where you are
funkothealmighty (3:00:24 PM): yes
funkothealmighty (3:00:33 PM): because then they'll think you are in love with them
riverscuomo172 (3:01:06 PM): and that is the worst crime of all
funkothealmighty (3:01:11 PM): LOVE
funkothealmighty (3:01:34 PM): expecially if you are in love with Meg Ryan
funkothealmighty (3:01:37 PM): IN TIME!
riverscuomo172 (3:02:02 PM): Joe vs. the Volcanosphere
funkothealmighty (3:03:03 PM): Sleepless in The Great Train Robbery
funkothealmighty (3:03:29 PM): oh I mean
riverscuomo172 (3:03:34 PM): You've Got Congo
funkothealmighty (3:03:37 PM): You've got Andromeda strain
funkothealmighty (3:03:38 PM): fuck
funkothealmighty (3:03:40 PM): you beat me
riverscuomo172 (3:03:41 PM): hahahaha
funkothealmighty (3:03:46 PM): mines better
riverscuomo172 (3:03:55 PM): yeah I will agree with that
riverscuomo172 (3:04:00 PM): When Harry Met Jurassic Park
funkothealmighty (3:04:03 PM): ha ha ha
funkothealmighty (3:04:09 PM): wow
funkothealmighty (3:04:14 PM): meg ryan doesn't have much range
riverscuomo172 (3:05:09 PM): nope
riverscuomo172 (3:05:16 PM): she was in Courage Under Fire
funkothealmighty (3:05:20 PM): oooh
funkothealmighty (3:05:25 PM): Kate and Terminal Man
riverscuomo172 (3:09:08 PM): Proof of Airframe
funkothealmighty (3:10:18 PM): oooh
funkothealmighty (3:10:20 PM): good one

Live it how you get it.

2009-02-06T16:45:00.000-08:00

artzachary (7:39:36 PM): i have to go clean up his apartment

artzachary (7:39:43 PM): because we laid wast to it last night

funkothealmighty (7:40:13 PM): i heard

funkothealmighty (7:40:17 PM): he said you got drunk and naked

funkothealmighty (7:40:25 PM): so i imagined queertimes

artzachary (7:41:06 PM): yeah

artzachary (7:41:07 PM): it was real gay

funkothealmighty (7:41:22 PM): this is not helping any of you

artzachary (7:41:23 PM): but hey

artzachary (7:41:26 PM): get it how you live right

artzachary (7:41:29 PM): live how you get it

funkothealmighty (7:41:36 PM): what does that even mean?

artzachary (7:41:49 PM): it means

artzachary (7:41:50 PM): reach for the sky

artzachary (7:41:53 PM): keep on trucking

artzachary (7:41:59 PM): no i think it means neither of these things

artzachary (7:42:06 PM): but i heard it in a rap song and sometimes i toss it into conversation

artzachary (7:42:11 PM): on the off chance that it might apply

funkothealmighty (7:42:18 PM): eventually your gonna get a dick in the ass, so it might as well be your friends

funkothealmighty (7:42:23 PM): i think thats what it means

artzachary (7:42:28 PM): alrgith

artzachary (7:42:28 PM): wow

artzachary (7:42:30 PM): alright&

artzachary (7:42:48 PM): if dick in the ass is an unavoidable eventuality then i guess that's valid

funkothealmighty (7:42:55 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (7:43:04 PM): im gonna use that with the next girl im with

artzachary (7:43:09 PM): haha

artzachary (7:43:15 PM): try to use it

artzachary (7:43:16 PM): the rap way first

artzachary (7:43:24 PM): if she's down then she'll totally get it

artzachary (7:43:37 PM): and youa re in

funkothealmighty (7:43:38 PM): "LIVE IT HOW YOU GET IT! YAAAAAAH"

funkothealmighty (7:43:46 PM): ::FUCKS HER IN THE ASS::

funkothealmighty (7:43:56 PM): "OH MY GOD NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

artzachary (7:44:09 PM): lolol

funkothealmighty (7:44:23 PM): "Rap has failed us."

artzachary (7:44:29 PM): "rap has failed her"

funkothealmighty (7:44:33 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (7:44:34 PM): more her

artzachary (7:44:39 PM): much more

artzachary (7:44:42 PM): like a whole lot

funkothealmighty (7:44:48 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (7:44:56 PM): and im not really affected at all

funkothealmighty (7:44:57 PM): so yes

funkothealmighty (7:45:02 PM): the us is completely incorrect

The Jimmy Dean Saga

2009-02-03T22:25:00.001-08:00

riverscuomo172 (12:48:31 AM): James Joyce had traveled through time to save books but now we've killed him in the present

riverscuomo172 (12:48:54 AM): it's like the best Ray Bradbury short story ever

funkothealmighty (12:49:07 AM): lol

funkothealmighty (12:49:23 AM): what about Ham Hawk Overdrive

riverscuomo172 (12:50:06 AM): is that a story or a new Jimmy Dean frozen breakfast item

funkothealmighty (12:51:51 AM): its a story told on a Jimmy Dean frozen breakfast item

funkothealmighty (12:51:58 AM): you have to purchase them in chapters

funkothealmighty (12:52:04 AM): they are in the frozen books section

riverscuomo172 (12:53:59 AM): if you don't preheat them properly you lose whole sections of the plot

funkothealmighty (12:54:28 AM): wait why have the space truckers lost the transmission to delicious baked sausage tube mountain?

riverscuomo172 (12:55:16 AM): I'm going to need to buy another package of "JIMMY DEAN CH. 5 WELCOME TO THE FLAVOR ZONE MR. PRESIDENT" before I can really know

funkothealmighty (12:57:43 AM): "JIMMY DEAN CH. 6 A RECAP OF OUR DELICOUSNESS" isn't worth it

riverscuomo172 (12:58:34 AM): yeah they went too much for a sodium metaphor and left it too packed with old flavor

funkothealmighty (12:58:44 AM): ha ha ha

riverscuomo172 (1:01:08 AM): do you think Jimmy Dean has ever considered food storytelling

funkothealmighty (1:02:39 AM): i bet it came up at a a board meeting

funkothealmighty (1:02:43 AM): but was shot down

funkothealmighty (1:03:19 AM): by the gravy lobbyist

riverscuomo172 (1:05:09 AM): it's very difficult to have coherent narratives in the gravystream

funkothealmighty (1:05:48 AM): yes

funkothealmighty (1:06:12 AM): gravy is more of a performance piece

riverscuomo172 (1:07:08 AM): I agree

Oasis Topless Bank

2009-02-03T18:25:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (9:23:59 PM): if my bank was a strip club then i would like going to the bank

wes71685 (9:24:02 PM): ha ha ha

funkothealmighty (9:24:04 PM): hmmm

funkothealmighty (9:24:17 PM): im gonna write that idea down

wes71685 (9:24:31 PM): DO IT

funkothealmighty (9:24:32 PM): topless tellers

wes71685 (9:24:45 PM): that might result in mistakes

funkothealmighty (9:24:51 PM): would you tip them though?

wes71685 (9:24:55 PM): ha ha

wes71685 (9:25:02 PM): I don't know

funkothealmighty (9:25:05 PM): endless questions

wes71685 (9:25:07 PM): if you don't you'd have to pay 'em better

wes71685 (9:25:50 PM): are the desk sitting people topless?

wes71685 (9:26:05 PM): also, how do you find girls smart enough to do things and be topless?

funkothealmighty (9:26:07 PM): no

funkothealmighty (9:26:17 PM): they have tassels

wes71685 (9:26:21 PM): ha ha ha

So you can get the post entitled LAST RESORT!

2009-02-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

watch this:
http://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/12/Last-Resort-fighting-technique-video-411381.html

2 out of 3 dentist recommend ASSASSINS!

2009-02-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

artzachary (6:48:19 PM):	BEN how often do you brush your teeth
artzachary (6:48:25 PM):	also hello
funkothealmighty (6:48:29 PM):	2 times a day
funkothealmighty (6:48:32 PM):	sometimes more
artzachary (6:48:36 PM):	ok
artzachary (6:48:38 PM):	good
funkothealmighty (6:48:41 PM):	why?
artzachary (6:48:59 PM):	i'm looking at this internet forum where people claim that they only brush once in a week
artzachary (6:49:03 PM):	and my very humanity is shaken
funkothealmighty (6:49:14 PM):	...
funkothealmighty (6:49:19 PM):	maybe
funkothealmighty (6:49:25 PM):	they are actually assassins
funkothealmighty (6:49:30 PM):	or get in fights alot
funkothealmighty (6:49:34 PM):	and when they bite someone
artzachary (6:49:41 PM):	it's like poison
funkothealmighty (6:49:44 PM):	they want to be like a heela monster
funkothealmighty (6:49:46 PM):	yeah
funkothealmighty (6:49:50 PM):	exactly
funkothealmighty (6:49:55 PM):	this is my hypothesis
artzachary (6:50:00 PM):	ok i hope you are right
funkothealmighty (6:50:09 PM):	would that make it better?
artzachary (6:50:20 PM):	not really but
artzachary (6:50:26 PM):	maybe it would just be different
funkothealmighty (6:50:41 PM):	like your faith in humanity would still be there
artzachary (6:50:56 PM):	i already have very limited faith in humanity
funkothealmighty (6:50:57 PM):	but now you would be on the look out for bad breathed assassins
funkothealmighty (6:51:13 PM):	because they are more dangerous than regular assassins
artzachary (6:51:18 PM):	right
artzachary (6:51:27 PM):	it's at least more unpleasant
artzachary (6:51:30 PM):	when they assasinate you
artzachary (6:51:38 PM):	which makes it worse
funkothealmighty (6:51:41 PM):	because you die a slow death

The play by post chess players learn some awful truths

2009-02-01T20:22:00.002-08:00

funkothealmighty (11:03:00 PM):	i told football it could fuck itself when I was 10 and couldn't understand the rules
artzachary (11:03:19 PM):	that's why i kept up with baseball
artzachary (11:03:28 PM):	easier rules
funkothealmighty (11:04:11 PM):	i see
funkothealmighty (11:04:43 PM):	when i was 10 I used to play "Water down Dad's beer so he doesn't beat you as hard after the football game is over"
artzachary (11:05:44 PM):	i used to play "hide the hose in case a ref makes a bad call"
funkothealmighty (11:06:48 PM):	that sounds like a game I use to play with Margie when I was 16
funkothealmighty (11:07:07 PM):	MARGIE WAS A BOY!
artzachary (11:07:20 PM):	duh duh duuuuuuuhhhhh
funkothealmighty (11:07:28 PM):	I HID THE HOSE IN HIS ASS!
funkothealmighty (11:07:34 PM):	THE HOSE WAS MY PENIS!
artzachary (11:07:56 PM):	WAIT
artzachary (11:08:01 PM):	JUST SO WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE:
artzachary (11:08:09 PM):	YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SODOMY, YES?
funkothealmighty (11:08:20 PM):	IT WAS ILLEGAL THEN, BUT YES!
funkothealmighty (11:08:37 PM):	HEY DO YOU HAVE ANY FLOUR PERCHANCE?
artzachary (11:08:58 PM):	YES, IN FACT
funkothealmighty (11:09:19 PM):	CAN YOU MAIL IT TO ME BY POST WITH YOUR NEXT CHESS MOVES IN OUR ROUSING GAME?
artzachary (11:10:16 PM):	YES I'LL THROW SOME BAKING SODA IN FREE OF CHARGE
funkothealmighty (11:10:42 PM):	YOU ARE THE BEST CHESS PARTNER EVER
artzachary (11:11:12 PM):	ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I'M REAL BAD AT CHESS SO YOU GET FREE BAKING SUPPLIES IN ADDITION TO GETTING THE SATISFACTION OF WINNING A LONG DISTANCE GAME

I am WebMD

2009-02-01T20:22:00.001-08:00

Mrmuppy (10:59:01 AM):	dude
Mrmuppy (10:59:06 AM):	I woke up at 8 this morning
Mrmuppy (10:59:10 AM):	after going to bed at 4:30
Mrmuppy (10:59:21 AM):	and my heart rate hasn't dropped below about a hundred since I woke up
funkothealmighty (10:59:29 AM):	::rocks a heinous riff on his guitar::
Mrmuppy (10:59:35 AM):	I woke up drenched in sweat with my heart rate around 200
Mrmuppy (10:59:41 AM):	production weekend. back at 8.
funkothealmighty (10:59:51 AM):	thats pretty awful
Mrmuppy (10:59:57 AM):	yessir
funkothealmighty (11:00:06 AM):	if you change your breathing
Mrmuppy (11:00:13 AM):	yea, that's what slowed it down
funkothealmighty (11:00:15 AM):	you might be able to get your heartrate too drop
funkothealmighty (11:00:31 AM):	and if it gets real real bad
funkothealmighty (11:00:38 AM):	you can shove a finger in your bum

Lady Advice

2009-02-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

Mrmuppy (10:45:59 PM):	did your lady friends miss you while you were off in sunny california?
funkothealmighty (10:46:47 PM):	one of them did
Mrmuppy (10:46:54 PM):	uh oh
funkothealmighty (10:46:56 PM):	she might be the keeper
Mrmuppy (10:47:01 PM):	you better nip that in the bud
Mrmuppy (10:47:15 PM):	call her up and say "Hey, did you miss me?" and she'll say "yea, a little"
Mrmuppy (10:47:29 PM):	and you'll say "TOO BAD!! YOU CRAZY CO-DEPENDENT BITCH! STOP TRYING TO RUN MY LIFE!"

Haiku to the mind

2009-02-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

riverscuomo172 (11:03:29 PM):	I want to hang out for one day with Blagojevich just to hear his thoughts
funkothealmighty (11:07:38 PM):	like in his head?
funkothealmighty (11:07:44 PM):	i can tell you what that is
riverscuomo172 (11:07:51 PM):	ok
funkothealmighty (11:11:36 PM):	SEX! HOLD ON!
funkothealmighty (11:11:38 PM):	HOLD ON!
funkothealmighty (11:11:43 PM):	CANDY IS GOOD!
funkothealmighty (11:11:45 PM):	KILL!
funkothealmighty (11:11:46 PM):	KILL!
funkothealmighty (11:11:55 PM):	I WANT THAT!
funkothealmighty (11:11:58 PM):	LOVE!
funkothealmighty (11:12:07 PM):	HERE IT COMES HIDE FROM IT!
riverscuomo172 (11:12:34 PM):	I feel like I know him now and what he needs
funkothealmighty (11:12:39 PM):	lol
riverscuomo172 (11:13:37 PM):	do you offer any other tours of people's psyches
funkothealmighty (11:16:43 PM):	no
funkothealmighty (11:16:46 PM):	not as of yet
funkothealmighty (11:16:56 PM):	we're working on getting hemingway
funkothealmighty (11:17:02 PM):	it starts out
funkothealmighty (11:17:05 PM):	CATS!
funkothealmighty (11:17:07 PM):	SIX TOES!
funkothealmighty (11:17:11 PM):	LITTLE BOYS!!!
riverscuomo172 (11:17:50 PM):	HUNT HUNT HUNT AFRICA SHOTGUN!
funkothealmighty (11:17:58 PM):	lol
funkothealmighty (11:18:11 PM):	these should be turned into a series of haikus
funkothealmighty (11:18:19 PM):	haikus into famous people's souls

LAST RESORT!

2009-02-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (5:15:35 PM):	hello wall
riverscuomo172 (5:15:52 PM):	hello girder?
funkothealmighty (5:16:57 PM):	hello stud
riverscuomo172 (5:17:13 PM):	good terminology all around
riverscuomo172 (5:18:00 PM):	what's the word today
funkothealmighty (5:18:15 PM):	sickness
funkothealmighty (5:18:21 PM):	i just chugged some nyquil
riverscuomo172 (5:19:14 PM):	has it improved anything
funkothealmighty (5:19:23 PM):	its improved my outlook
riverscuomo172 (5:19:39 PM):	it's like being drunk only with a worse aftertaste
funkothealmighty (5:20:00 PM):	if this doesn't work in the next hour im going to cover my wang in cocaine
riverscuomo172 (5:20:16 PM):	and call one of the three ladiez
funkothealmighty (5:20:20 PM):	yeah
funkothealmighty (5:20:22 PM):	and be like
funkothealmighty (5:20:33 PM):	"Wanna get cockained?"
funkothealmighty (5:20:40 PM):	"wait what?"
funkothealmighty (5:20:47 PM):	LAST RESORT!
riverscuomo172 (5:21:13 PM):	you'll have to be really nimble with the pronunciation so you can get the right reaction
funkothealmighty (5:21:21 PM):	yeah
funkothealmighty (5:21:47 PM):	ill just throw cocaine into her eyes
funkothealmighty (5:21:55 PM):	and try to reenact bloodsport

Flannery O'Space Lawyer

2009-02-01T20:10:00.000-08:00

riverscuomo172 (5:26:22 PM):	is it cold in Georgia
funkothealmighty (5:26:28 PM):	a lil
riverscuomo172 (5:26:30 PM):	as it is pretty chilly here for the most part
riverscuomo172 (5:26:45 PM):	we need to heat the South
riverscuomo172 (5:26:48 PM):	I am tired of this
funkothealmighty (5:27:12 PM):	finish your book
funkothealmighty (5:28:02 PM):	"Heating the south, How Flannery O'Connor is sooo hot"
riverscuomo172 (5:28:14 PM):	that's right
riverscuomo172 (5:28:48 PM):	"At the end of this chapter everyone needs to get really aroused and use your heat to make the atmosphere change"
funkothealmighty (5:28:54 PM):	ill design the laser included in your book
funkothealmighty (5:29:03 PM):	the sex laser
funkothealmighty (5:29:10 PM):	powered by sex (allegedly)
riverscuomo172 (5:29:44 PM):	but it's more like confusion
funkothealmighty (5:30:11 PM):	yes
funkothealmighty (5:30:20 PM):	i am confused as to what this book means
funkothealmighty (5:30:26 PM):	BWOOOOOOOP
funkothealmighty (5:30:31 PM):	::LASER TO THE FACE::
riverscuomo172 (5:30:53 PM):	the laser is embedded in the pages
funkothealmighty (5:31:05 PM):	yes
riverscuomo172 (5:31:20 PM):	that's some powerful technology
funkothealmighty (5:31:37 PM):	yes
funkothealmighty (5:31:38 PM):	it is
funkothealmighty (5:31:59 PM):	thats why they used to say Flannery Laser O'Connor
riverscuomo172 (5:32:59 PM):	yeah there was a lot of tension in the household when she changed over to Flannery "Jamaica Joe" O'Connor without warning
funkothealmighty (5:33:56 PM):	its like the invisible man
riverscuomo172 (5:34:39 PM):	you should end your thesis at Georgia Tech with the same ending of your report for Towner
funkothealmighty (5:34:45 PM):	lol
funkothealmighty (5:35:02 PM):	and this is when my laser turned invisible
riverscuomo172 (5:36:15 PM):	and defeated time
funkothealmighty (5:37:35 PM):	yes
funkothealmighty (5:37:46 PM):	Laser to the future (invisible)
riverscuomo172 (5:38:45 PM):	with Marty McFly playing the invisible laser at his parents' prom and splitting Crispin Glover into two people
funkothealmighty (5:39:46 PM):	and then starting a law firm in space that investigates the pelican brief
funkothealmighty (5:40:18 PM):	LOOK AT ME! IM A TOUGH SMART SPACE LAWYER!
riverscuomo172 (5:40:45 PM):	In Space Litigation, No One Can Hear You Scream "Objection"
funkothealmighty (5:40:50 PM):	lol
riverscuomo172 (5:41:07 PM):	Denzel in space would be a good move
riverscuomo172 (5:41:29 PM):	and Julia Roberts can be like "I only appear in Ocean's _____ movies now"
funkothealmighty (5:41:41 PM):	what about Ocean's Space
funkothealmighty (5:41:54 PM):	its a remake of star trek 2
riverscuomo172 (5:43:24 PM):	so they go to Genesis and Spock dies and Ricardo Montalban is resurrected from the dead
funkothealmighty (5:44:03 PM):	yeah
funkothealmighty (5:44:07 PM):	exactly
riverscuomo172 (5:44:22 PM):	KHAAAAAAAANNNNNN (is alive!)
funkothealmighty (5:44:27 PM):	ha
riverscuomo172 (5:44:43 PM):	that sounds like a good musical version
riverscuomo172 (5:44:48 PM):	*Khan's Alive!*
funkothealmighty (5:46:19 PM):	that is a good album
riverscuomo172 (5:46:50 PM):	oh yeah
riverscuomo172 (5:47:04 PM):	Frampton plays a talkbox solo that saves the Enterprise
funkothealmighty (5:47:54 PM):	from the future
riverscuomo172 (5:48:24 PM):	yes
riverscuomo172 (5:48:36 PM):	the Frampture
riverscuomo172 (5:51:36 PM):	populated only by people who bought the record and close personal friends of Frampton
funkothealmighty (5:51:52 PM):	like ghandi
riverscuomo172 (5:52:04 PM):	yeah that's what I was thinking of
funkothealmighty (5:52:49 PM):	nyquil taking effect

The Witching Century

2009-01-22T20:57:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUhuPn8_d0Q

artzachary (11:40:43 PM): early tim curry is like david bowie only more gay

funkothealmighty (11:40:49 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (11:40:56 PM): or like a david bowie that let himself go

artzachary (11:40:59 PM): haha

artzachary (11:41:09 PM): but david bowie pretty much swam in tail

artzachary (11:41:12 PM): during the glam thing

artzachary (11:41:14 PM): so if tim curry was more gay

artzachary (11:41:20 PM): that probably means he got even more play

artzachary (11:42:03 PM): also what the fuck is this

artzachary (11:42:38 PM): did i just take acid

funkothealmighty (11:42:43 PM): just keep watching

artzachary (11:43:34 PM): how do i get my hands on a pink cape

funkothealmighty (11:44:26 PM): call tim curry

funkothealmighty (11:44:34 PM): im sure the operator can tell you how to reach him

artzachary (11:44:42 PM): he probably is the operator

artzachary (11:45:03 PM): all of these things he says about halloween

artzachary (11:45:04 PM): are patently untrue

artzachary (11:45:22 PM): a dog never turns into a cat

funkothealmighty (11:46:14 PM): BUT ON HALLOWEEN!

funkothealmighty (11:46:19 PM): AND IF YOU ARE A WOMAN!

funkothealmighty (11:46:32 PM): this is a halloween special made in the 80's for little girls

artzachary (11:46:41 PM): that sounds like a real bad idea

funkothealmighty (11:46:55 PM): its why we have woman ceo's now

artzachary (11:47:02 PM): ...

artzachary (11:47:09 PM): of course

funkothealmighty (11:47:30 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (11:47:33 PM): one tv special

funkothealmighty (11:47:41 PM): and now this!

funkothealmighty (11:48:01 PM): yeah

artzachary (11:48:07 PM): i like how at the end

funkothealmighty (11:48:07 PM): once they failed at being witches

funkothealmighty (11:48:11 PM): they were like

artzachary (11:48:12 PM): the lyrics just fall apart

funkothealmighty (11:48:13 PM): FUCK!

funkothealmighty (11:48:24 PM): WHAT CAN I DO THATS AS CLOSE AS A WITCH AS POSSIBLE?

artzachary (11:48:28 PM): haha

funkothealmighty (11:48:30 PM): CEO

funkothealmighty (11:48:33 PM): fuck you business

funkothealmighty (11:48:57 PM): they call this century the witching hour for this very reason

artzachary (11:49:12 PM): do they?

funkothealmighty (11:49:19 PM): i do

artzachary (11:49:36 PM): as of this moment

funkothealmighty (11:49:58 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (11:50:01 PM): i just started

artzachary (11:50:16 PM): because of tim curry

artzachary (11:50:31 PM): and his amazing technicolor sexuality

funkothealmighty (11:51:01 PM): lol

funkothealmighty (11:51:21 PM): day by fabulous day

funkothealmighty (11:51:40 PM): oh wait that was godspell

artzachary (11:52:12 PM): whatever it's all the same in the end right

funkothealmighty (11:53:03 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (11:53:16 PM): people that can't do math

funkothealmighty (11:53:25 PM): trying to pretend they are useful

artzachary (11:53:46 PM): haha

artzachary (11:53:52 PM): THEIR LIVES MEAN NOTHING.

artzachary (11:53:57 PM): nothing

Curry of Tim

2009-01-22T20:54:00.000-08:00

funkothealmighty (11:27:52 PM): and there was some movie where he played a flying witch

funkothealmighty (11:27:59 PM): but I forgot what that was

riverscuomo172 (11:28:46 PM): was it a real-time documentary of Tim Curry

funkothealmighty (11:29:11 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUhuPn8_d0Q

funkothealmighty (11:29:14 PM): it appears so

funkothealmighty (11:29:43 PM): i think its actually a movie version of the game daggerfall

funkothealmighty (11:29:49 PM): at least it sounds like it

riverscuomo172 (11:29:57 PM): wow

funkothealmighty (11:30:08 PM): oh my god

funkothealmighty (11:30:11 PM): he sings!

riverscuomo172 (11:30:16 PM): was it like the Dungeon Siege movie with Ray Liotta and Jason Statham

riverscuomo172 (11:30:23 PM): he sang in Rocky Horror

funkothealmighty (11:30:28 PM): well yeah

funkothealmighty (11:30:32 PM): but this is different

funkothealmighty (11:30:35 PM): are you watching this?

riverscuomo172 (11:30:49 PM): I am now

funkothealmighty (11:31:01 PM): I'll wait for your reaciton

riverscuomo172 (11:31:11 PM): oh my god

riverscuomo172 (11:31:40 PM): the music, the cleanshavenness

riverscuomo172 (11:32:29 PM): him squeezing the heart

funkothealmighty (11:32:35 PM): lol

funkothealmighty (11:32:59 PM): why does Tim Curry get the ladies?

funkothealmighty (11:33:47 PM): I didn't know he played It

riverscuomo172 (11:34:00 PM): the introduction of the drums at 2:03 with the extra synth

funkothealmighty (11:34:31 PM): yes

funkothealmighty (11:34:37 PM): itsw quite a masterpiece

riverscuomo172 (11:35:20 PM): HAHAHAHA TAMBOURINE

funkothealmighty (11:35:50 PM): this is the greatest movie ever made

riverscuomo172 (11:37:39 PM): I could watch this all night

funkothealmighty (11:37:50 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k86-cUlgPvk

riverscuomo172 (11:40:32 PM): yess

riverscuomo172 (11:40:45 PM): also would you like to see what Mississippi advertisements are like

riverscuomo172 (11:40:47 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9ZbaY98t74

funkothealmighty (11:42:18 PM): what just happened?

funkothealmighty (11:43:00 PM): who are these people in my computer?

riverscuomo172 (11:43:45 PM): that's Mo Money Taxes

funkothealmighty (11:43:54 PM): what did this advertisement prove?

riverscuomo172 (11:44:46 PM): that the state is ridiculous

funkothealmighty (11:45:02 PM): i don't trust anyone with my taxes anymore

riverscuomo172 (11:45:50 PM): that's what the ad wants you to feel

funkothealmighty (11:46:00 PM): oh i see reverse accounting

riverscuomo172 (11:46:35 PM): I want Tim Curry to be on these ads now

funkothealmighty (11:47:03 PM): hmm

funkothealmighty (11:47:10 PM): i wonder how much he needs cash?

riverscuomo172 (11:49:40 PM): a lot

funkothealmighty (11:50:12 PM): so you might be able to do it cheaply

riverscuomo172 (11:50:39 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (11:50:42 PM): maybe he would do it for like some fanfic for Clue

riverscuomo172 (11:52:06 PM): yeah particularly if you just looped that bit from 1:53 to 2:00 in the Witch video

funkothealmighty (11:52:26 PM): lol

Physics

2009-01-22T17:06:00.001-08:00

funkothealmighty (7:58:07 PM): if i was newton i would have invented a unit of measure that was set by my wang

artzachary (7:58:20 PM): why not

artzachary (7:58:33 PM): you're pretty much the best person who ever lived

artzachary (7:58:33 PM): so

artzachary (7:58:40 PM): might as well take advantage of this

funkothealmighty (8:00:28 PM): yeah

funkothealmighty (8:00:34 PM): but do you know that at the time?

funkothealmighty (8:00:37 PM): in Newton's case

funkothealmighty (8:00:39 PM): YES

artzachary (8:00:52 PM): yes

artzachary (8:01:05 PM): he was like the number one royal baller of the english court

funkothealmighty (8:01:09 PM): so i am surprised i don't weigh 3 NewtonFuckers

artzachary (8:01:14 PM): haha

funkothealmighty (8:01:46 PM): later people would say Newton was exaggerating

funkothealmighty (8:02:21 PM): but Leibniz knew the truth

funkothealmighty (8:04:34 PM): Newton came up with calculus after he figured out he could coax Leibniz into allowing him to shove ever larger things in his rectum by saying "Just an infinitesimally smaller bit more!"

artzachary (8:04:35 PM): are you implying that they shared love

artzachary (8:04:42 PM): which probably wouldn't speak it's name

artzachary (8:04:48 PM): oh wow

artzachary (8:04:52 PM): that is fantastic

funkothealmighty (8:05:02 PM): it was alot like the apple story

artzachary (8:05:08 PM): only newton was bent over

funkothealmighty (8:05:09 PM): only less approrprate for school

artzachary (8:05:14 PM): with his ass in the air

funkothealmighty (8:05:31 PM): yes

funkothealmighty (8:05:34 PM): gay physics

artzachary (8:05:48 PM): or as i call it

artzachary (8:05:49 PM): physics

funkothealmighty (8:05:51 PM): lol

Fig Newton's

2009-01-22T16:55:00.001-08:00

funkothealmighty (7:50:00 PM): wouldn't that be terrible

funkothealmighty (7:50:09 PM): if you missed a real chance at something great

funkothealmighty (7:50:17 PM): because you put up an offensive away message

artzachary (7:50:19 PM): i'd be real sad

artzachary (7:50:22 PM): and what's offensive

artzachary (7:50:26 PM): other than poor spelling

funkothealmighty (7:50:48 PM): CuteyMcCuterson: Hey you wanna fuck?

funkothealmighty (7:50:59 PM): AWAY MESSAGE: I ONLY DO OLD PEOPLE!

artzachary (7:51:03 PM): haha

funkothealmighty (7:51:10 PM): CuteyMcCuterson: Oh, sorry.

artzachary (7:51:20 PM): that would be tragic

artzachary (7:51:24 PM): tragic indeed

funkothealmighty (7:51:27 PM): you: NO!!!!!!!

artzachary (7:51:29 PM): but ben, i am just that dedicated

artzachary (7:51:30 PM): to comedy

funkothealmighty (7:51:38 PM): OldeyMcOlderson: Hey hon!

funkothealmighty (7:51:47 PM): you: DAMMIT YOU KNOW IM ONLINE!

funkothealmighty (7:52:00 PM): you: Alright, lets get this over with

artzachary (7:52:04 PM): hahaha

artzachary (7:52:25 PM): i don't know man

artzachary (7:52:29 PM): i've never had sex with an old person

artzachary (7:52:31 PM): who knows?

artzachary (7:52:34 PM): maybe it's awesome

funkothealmighty (7:53:01 PM): its sorta like wedging a hotdog in some fig newtons

artzachary (7:53:17 PM): a great idea?

artzachary (7:53:19 PM): the greatest idea?

a text message

2009-01-21T20:28:00.001-08:00

funkothealmighty (10:14:08 PM):	i sent a drunk text message to one of them last night that said "I want you more than this donut."
Mrmuppy (10:14:13 PM):	most women are so surprised that they love it
Mrmuppy (10:14:15 PM):	wow
Mrmuppy (10:14:18 PM):	is that true?
funkothealmighty (10:14:21 PM):	yes
Mrmuppy (10:14:21 PM):	did that happen?
funkothealmighty (10:14:23 PM):	yes
Mrmuppy (10:14:25 PM):	like for reals?
funkothealmighty (10:14:27 PM):	yes
Mrmuppy (10:14:29 PM):	not haha, what a whacky ben story?
funkothealmighty (10:14:36 PM):	>
funkothealmighty (10:14:39 PM):	no
funkothealmighty (10:14:42 PM):	that was real talk
Mrmuppy (10:14:47 PM):	dude, YOU ARE IN!
funkothealmighty (10:14:49 PM):	i got back a reply though
funkothealmighty (10:14:51 PM):	so its all good
Mrmuppy (10:14:55 PM):	of course
Mrmuppy (10:15:02 PM):	you've got that "loose canon" thing going
Mrmuppy (10:15:06 PM):	and the "dark stranger"
Mrmuppy (10:15:08 PM):	being new in town
funkothealmighty (10:15:14 PM):	"well I do come with sprinkles"
funkothealmighty (10:15:19 PM):	and im not sure what that means
Mrmuppy (10:15:19 PM):	well shit dude
Mrmuppy (10:15:26 PM):	Duuuuude
Mrmuppy (10:15:29 PM):	you know exactly what that means
funkothealmighty (10:15:30 PM):	i hope it doesn't mean she has herpes
Mrmuppy (10:15:33 PM):	HAHAHAHAHA

Busey 1999

2009-01-21T19:59:00.000-08:00

f*y (7:56:56 PM):	the focus is going to die here
r*2 (7:57:19 PM):	washed out to sea
funkothealmighty (7:57:24 PM):	oooh
funkothealmighty (7:57:27 PM):	that would be a good way to go
funkothealmighty (7:57:33 PM):	if it makes it long enough
funkothealmighty (7:57:46 PM):	when i end up needing to leave it in georgia
funkothealmighty (7:57:51 PM):	just drive it into the ocean
riverscuomo172 (7:58:06 PM):	it can be found later for scrap metal
funkothealmighty (7:58:15 PM):	the circle of life
riverscuomo172 (7:58:22 PM):	and a potential investigative news story
riverscuomo172 (7:58:30 PM):	"Who Died in this Focus?"
funkothealmighty (7:58:33 PM):	lol
funkothealmighty (7:58:51 PM):	Texas man tries to fake own death says "Everyone has known i've been alive this whole time."
riverscuomo172 (8:00:16 PM):	"Government agency impressed with thought, skill that went into death forgery."
funkothealmighty (8:00:25 PM):	lol
riverscuomo172 (8:02:56 PM):	a cunning attempt, but not good enough
funkothealmighty (8:03:17 PM):	sounds like a Gary Busey story
funkothealmighty (8:03:22 PM):	if he were a writer
riverscuomo172 (8:03:34 PM):	The Car I Drove Into The Ocean To Not Fake My Own Death
funkothealmighty (8:03:39 PM):	lol
funkothealmighty (8:03:44 PM):	By Gary Busey
funkothealmighty (8:03:57 PM):	with forwad by Neils Bohr's Corpse
riverscuomo172 (8:06:29 PM):	yes only the man who discovered the nucleus can truly introduce a writer like Busey
riverscuomo172 (8:11:06 PM):	what other stories would he write
funkothealmighty (8:14:47 PM):	hmm
funkothealmighty (8:15:11 PM):	The day no P.I.G.S. would die
funkothealmighty (8:15:18 PM):	Persons
funkothealmighty (8:15:26 PM):	Indiscriminantly
funkothealmighty (8:15:29 PM):	Godly
funkothealmighty (8:15:32 PM):	Science
riverscuomo172 (8:16:15 PM):	The Man Who Drank Too Much Victory Juice and Became Gary Busey
funkothealmighty (8:16:23 PM):	lol
funkothealmighty (8:17:01 PM):	Leave That Alein On Zircon 77: The Gary Busey Story
riverscuomo172 (8:17:25 PM):	the alien is what he believes the motorcycle was that he crashed on
funkothealmighty (8:17:36 PM):	yes
funkothealmighty (8:18:16 PM):	Who Are You?: The Story of How Gary Busey Realized He Had a Son When He Watched Starship Troopers
funkothealmighty (8:19:01 PM):	man
riverscuomo172 (8:19:05 PM):	No Love Lost: The Story Of How Gary Busey Returned Starship Troopers To The Video Store and Got An Even Better Son
funkothealmighty (8:19:07 PM):	lost starts tonight
funkothealmighty (8:19:18 PM):	and im gonna miss it until it comes on the internets
riverscuomo172 (8:19:24 PM):	oh yeah
funkothealmighty (8:19:25 PM):	HA HA HA HA
riverscuomo172 (8:20:47 PM):	?
funkothealmighty (8:21:35 PM):	your movie title
funkothealmighty (8:21:41 PM):	it struck me
riverscuomo172 (8:22:51 PM):	it is a good story
funkothealmighty (8:23:01 PM):	yes
funkothealmighty (8:23:05 PM):	told in movie title form
funkothealmighty (8:23:07 PM):	a new genre
riverscuomo172 (8:23:30 PM):	it was always there for the taking
riverscuomo172 (8:23:35 PM):	but only now can it be realized
funkothealmighty (8:27:55 PM):	yes
funkothealmighty (8:28:02 PM):	FUTURE LIT 1999!
riverscuomo172 (8:28:19 PM):	with Martin Landau
funkothealmighty (8:28:37 PM):	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DF9nDJZrdA
riverscuomo172 (8:31:53 PM):	imagine that song with Gary Busey displayed for a full minute